Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
LACOOCHEE, Fla. (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said they do not know the origins of a kangaroo that was wandering loose for at least one night.
The only victim is said to be a stuttering black-and-white cat who has now lost the respect of his son.
DALLAS (UPI) -- A price tag of $500,000 has been slapped on a Dallas rooming house where reputed John F. Kennedy assassin Lee Harvey Oswald once lived.
According to the lease, Oswald lived alone, but some historians suspect he might have had as many as ten roommates, including a mysterious, unidentified man who never left the kitchen.
CALGARY, Alberta (UPI) -- Police in Alberta said they called off a homicide investigation when a potential snuff film found in a landfill turned out to be from a Dan Aykroyd movie.
Experts said they could tell the difference because in snuff films people actually seem to care about what they're doing.
CLEVELAND (UPI) -- American punk musician Lou Reed is recovering from a liver transplant at the Mayo Clinic in Cleveland, his wife, Laurie Anderson, said.
In keeping with his wishes, the old liver will be thrown from a moving car at John Cale's head.
HURGADA, Egypt (UPI) -- Authorities in Egypt said 12 Georgian tourists and their translator were released after investigators determined they had not been filming a porn movie.
According to insiders, the movie is actually a documentary about a small pizza company that also installs cable.