Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
NEW YORK (UPI) -- Digital game company Atari Inc. has filed for bankruptcy protection in New York, court papers show.
Company officials have already begun flashing as a sign they are temporarily invulnerable while they respawn.
ITHACA, N.Y. (UPI) -- Researchers in Ithaca, N.Y., say the world's largest library of wildlife sounds, including samples from 9,000 species, is digitized and fully available online.
Scientists say this library is currently THE most cutting-edge way to make your cat come running in from the other room.
PENDLETON, Ore. (UPI) -- Some residents of the Umatilla Indian Reservation in Oregon say they believe mysterious cries coming from a nearby swamp are being made by Bigfoot.
Experts say there's nothing to worry about and it was likely just Bigfoot learning that the Tooth Fairy wasn't real.
MOSCOW (UPI) -- A bison that died at a Russian wildlife reserve was apparently done in by a drug overdose, the necropsy report said.
A hastily-assembled tribute album, consisting of nothing but bison calls, has already reached number one on iTunes.
FRANKFURT, Germany (UPI) -- How Germany plans to move 700 tons of gold from New York and Paris to Frankfurt is none of your business, a bank spokesman said.
Etiquette experts say your proper response is to say "Well, I never!" and grab your handbag as you storm from the room.