Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
ATLANTA (UPI) -- A robot with advanced imaging technology that automatically debones chicken could help boost agricultural production and improve safety, U.S. researchers say.
Also it's ridiculously fun to say "deboner robot" with your friends.
ABILENE, Texas (UPI) -- A Texas woman who cracked open a giant egg laid by one of her hens said the yolk was on her when she found another complete egg inside it.
And in a related story, the guy who writes the Wire broke down in tears over how UPI beat him to the joke in such a terrible, horrible, uncaring way.
MELBOURNE (UPI) -- A truck carrying about 400 sheep crashed on an overpass and threw animals onto a busy highway in Melbourne, causing accidents and injury, police said.
Locals say that for the rest of the day, traffic patterns were absolutely flocked.
WASHINGTON, Conn. (UPI) -- The U.S. Supreme Court passed up a chance Monday to more clearly define the difference between a bribe and a political donation.
Currently the rules are that a bribe is what THEY take, and political donation is what YOU take.
VATICAN CITY (UPI) -- Pope Benedict XVI's butler could get eight years in prison if found guilty of aggravated theft in the release of the pope's private letters, a judge said.
The pope's butler is said to be surprised at how quickly he will face justice, as he had been expecting to be moved between a dozen different parishes over roughly a decade while being allowed the freedom to steal other documents five or six more times.