But Nobody Ever Calls D'arcy: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

LOS ANGELES (UPI) -- Liam Neeson's maritime actioner "Battleship" is the top-selling DVD and Blu-ray in the United States, Billboard.com reported Thursday.

Lawyers say this means nobody in America can legally complain when they release "Morgan Freeman's Game Of Life" in about sixteen months.

 

playing game of life

 

PASADENA, Calif. (UPI) -- A 93-year-old woman says vandals destroyed giant pumpkins she was growing in her yard in Pasadena, Calif.

Sources say rock stars Billy Corgan and James Iha are readying a joint press statement asking everyone to please stop calling them about the story.

LAGOS, Nigeria, (UPI) -- Nigerian drug agents arrested an auto technician allegedly carrying five pounds of cocaine concealed in a roast chicken.

DEA insiders say if it had been a rubber chicken, the arrest would have been known as a "Robin Williams".

 

a chicken in Trafalgar Square

 

CARLTON, Mich. (UPI) -- A Minnesota casino said it set a Guinness World Record by cooking up a 2,014-pound bacon cheeseburger.

The burger was served with 6,324 french fries and a 300 liter Diet Coke.

NEW YORK (UPI) -- Recent U.S. college graduates still living with their parents are getting the needle from KFC, a major purveyor of take-out comfort food.

Attorneys urge the graduates to contact them as soon as possible, saying there's huge class action potential if that many people are finding needles in their food.

playing game of life from Fabian Bromann and a chicken in Trafalgar Square from IntangibleArts are used under a Creative Commons License