CES: Our 2013 Faux-verage Begins

by Scott Lydon

If you're like us, you're sitting in an office while Jason Toon flies to Las Vegas for a week. And you're thinking "WHAT THE FREAK, JASON TOON, WHY DIDN'T I RATE A TRIP TO WHAT I ASSUME IS PROBABLY A LUXURY HOTEL WITH AN OPEN BAR????" And that's when it hits you, us. The way you can prove yourself to the world. And suddenly, the Faux-verage is born.


 

Over the next week, you'll see Jason's on-the-spot reports from CES every morning. He's going to be shaking hands, meeting people, taking photos, and finding the very best gadgets and gee-gaws. But you'll also be enjoying MY coverage as well, about the things I'm PRETENDING to see. Today, I'm pretending to see the opening ceremonies. Come inside, and let's get started!

Here's the home of the 2013 CES events, the fantastic new casino Iowa! Just finished in December, Iowa! is located in the exact middle of the Las Vegas Strip. Visitors will be thrilled by the 24 hour State Fair on the lower level, and are invited to join in "The Madison County Experience" featuring butter sculptures of every major scene from the book! On the hour, casino employees will caucus! But be careful as political reporters regularly rush in from New York! New York! and then retreat. Don't get crushed in the excitement!

Already the buzz on the new phablets is reaching a fever pitch in the line to pick up the badges, but rumor is that CES has made a bold step forward: phabdges! Each badge is now a personalized smart phone slash internet device specific to the person wearing it! Of course, the phabdges will be non-functional as there's never a decent WiFi signal on the convention floor, but imagine what the future might hold for this technology.


 

Naturally, the biggest story is LG's smart appliances, including a washer/dryer that can connect to your Smartphone and a fridge that can gather recipes for download! This is huge news for Facebook stockholders, who now can anticipate actual growth in the third and fourth quarter.

Ha ha! See that, Toon? While I'm here struggling away, I bet you're lounging by the Starbucks casino pool drinking latte martinis! WHERE'S YOUR REAL COVERAGE, PUNK? BRING IT!

Keep an eye on the blog all this week as Scott and Jason duel over who's got the best CES coverage. Remember: your comments might help choose the winner! PS: images incorporate gambling from Joelk75 which is used under a Creative Commons License. Also some images via Wikipedia and here under fair use.