Completely Unfair Comparisons: Buffalo!

by Sean Adams

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. Ghosts vs. Sulfur in terms of Blocking a Door
A real ghost will certainly keep people out of a room, but here’s the problem: they need to go into the room at least once to see the ghost, get scared, and decide never to return. In that way, the ghost hasn’t blocked the door; it’s made people refrain from trying to use that door in the future. Unlike a ghost, sulfur has actual weight to it. You put enough sulfur up against the door, no one’s going to be able to push through. Nor would anyone want to: after all, the smell of sulfur wafting out from under a door doesn’t exactly scream, “c’mon in!”


2. Muffins vs. A Friendship Bracelet in terms of Getting Back into Rollerblading
You don’t want to go rollerblading for the first time in a long time with a stomach full of muffins, because with all the swaying back and forth, the speed, and the physical exertion, it won’t be long until those muffins reemerge. Instead, skip breakfast and put on a friendship bracelet. Why? Because if it's been a real long while since you’ve put on your inlines, you’re not going to be looking too cool out there, so it’s important that you remind yourself that you’re not actually as lame as you feel and that you do have friends.

A Friendship Bracelet
3. Buffalo vs. Buffalo in terms of Buffalo
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo? Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Buffalo! Buffalo!

This week's Rebuttal of the Week goes to oft-rebuttler dukeofwulf, who offers these words of wisdom as to why torque is better than a cork for not looking like a dork:

You must apply torque to a corkscrew in order to remove the cork. So in a social occasion which requires you to uncork a wine bottle, the cork is threatening to make you look like a dork, and your torque prevents you from doing so.

Advantage: torque.

You, too, can be like dukeofwulf! Just argue with me in the comments, and I begrudgingly choose to admit you're right next time! (In 2 weeks.)

Photos: "Sulfur crystals" by flickr user, Shiny Things; "Best Friends Forever Bracelet" by flickr user, moiracrochetsplarn; "Downtown Buffalo Skyline from Lasalle Park" by flickr user, Rich-Mitchell. All used under a Creative Commons License.