Completely Unfair Comparisons: Cinder-ella Stories

by Sean Adams

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

 

1. Cinder Blocks vs. Iguanas in terms of Shipping and Receiving

You can’t train a cinder block to ship or receive. It’s just not in their nature, because, you know, they’re not living creatures. They’re blocks. Now, considering that iguanas are living creatures, you might think that they WOULD be trainable. You’d be wrong. And it’s for that reason that cinder blocks get the advantage here; you’ll just put them aside and get on with your day, without spending valuable time and energy trying to get them to help you out.

Advantage:


Cinder Blocks

2. Cookie Making Skills vs. Efficiency in terms of Sculpting a Bust

Efficiency usually wins, but not when you're doing something arty like sculpting a bust. Art’s all about making mistakes and experimenting. You don’t need to get things done quickly. You need to get things done in the way that feels right. Kinda like how, when you’re making cookies, sometimes you just need to ignore the recipe and add as many chocolate chips as you want. Which is always as many as you have, by the way.

Advantage:

Cookie Making Skills

3. Mookie vs. Blaylock in terms of Finding the Meaning of Life

It has been said that when Mookie meets the Blaylock on the hardwood, only then can we truly understand our purpose. That’s why people who were Atlanta Hawks fans in the 90s seem so calm and smug all the time.

Advantage:

Mookie Blaylock


Now, to name last week’s Rebuttal of the Week: user ludocdoc gives a quick and simple reason why rigatoni is better than broad shoulders in terms of sailing the high seas:

Pirate ships are cramped. When there isn't wind you have to row. A bunch of guys have to sit side by side to work the oars. It's cramped. Broad shoulders make pirates bump into their neighbors. That leads to fights, which leads to mutiny. Shiver Me timbers. Everybody likes pasta. Advantage: rigatoni.

Who can argue with that? Well, no one. Because those aren’t the rules. The rules say you argue with ME! So go ahead: let me have it in the comments section and I just might decide I like ya next week!

Photos: "Concrete / Cinder Block / Brick Tower" by flickr user, 666isMONEY ☮ ♥ & ☠; "Cookie tray" by flickr user, futureshape; "Atlanta Hawks" by flickr user, Priscilla Velez. All used under a Creative Commons License.