Completely Unfair Comparisons: Rhymed Reason

by Sean Adams

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. A Sled vs. A Shed in terms of Street Cred

Being able to build a high-quality shed is impressive. A lot of work must go into make sure it’s structurally-sound enough to withstand the elements. However, sheds are not portable. So, you can’t bring your shed to the street and score respect with it. Sleds, meanwhile, are built to be portable. Their only purpose in life is to move. So you can definitely drag a sled you built onto the street, and if the street is covered in snow, you can earn respect by offering rides.


A Sled

2. Trains vs. Lion Manes in terms of Training Great Danes

Lions can be intimidating, for sure. But we’re talking about dogs here. You can’t wear a lion mane when training a dog, because how are you going to establish that you’re the alpha if the dog thinks you’re nothing but a giant cat? No, you need show the dog that you are more powerful than it is, and that’s tough with Great Danes since they’re so huge. But a train should do the trick!



3. Torque vs. A Cork in terms of Not Looking Like a Dork

Torque is something often associated with fast cars, which are themselves often owned by cool people. However, torque as a concept is very scientific, and explaining torque to someone will undoubtedly make you look like a dork. A cork, meanwhile, is something often associated with wine. Walking around with a cork implies that you recently drank a bottle of wine, which means either a) you just drank it all by yourself (not necessarily cool, but not dorky either), or b) you drank it with friends (which means your popular, so definitely not dorky).


Now, to get to the results from last week’s blank comparison. Our very own Scott Lydon had some good points, but since he knows the judge (me) he’s disqualified. Sorry, Scott. Instead, I’ve chosen jesseroo, who was brave enough to argue for sausage over bacon in terms of achieving dreams:

There's really only one good way to cook bacon. In a frying pan. Other methods of cooking just don't do it justice. Sausage, on the other hand, does well in a pan, on a grill, in the stove, in a bonfire, and probably any method of cooking you can come up with. To achieve your goals, you have to be flexible for what life throws at you, and therefore, sausage is the obvious choice.

Nice work, jesseroo! Now we’re going to go back to the Rebuttal of the Week format, so if you’ve got a bone to pick with any of my comparisons above, drop those pickings in the comments below, you dig?


Photos: "Wooden sled" by flickr user, Lee J Haywood; "Island Line train at Shanklin Station" by flickr user, Bods; "Wine Not..." by flickr user, derekGavey.. All used under a Creative Commons License.