Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
EUGENE, Ore. (UPI) -- An Oregon state senator said he scared off a burglar by threatening him with a baseball bat.
The bat supports The San Diego Padres and whoever is playing the Yankees.
DETROIT (UPI) -- Two artists who bought a foreclosed house in Detroit for $500 at a tax sale found it in ruins, demolished by mistake, on a recent visit.
The property will now be known as Dubstep, considering it was house-like until it dropped.
NEW YORK (UPI) -- Retired U.S. Army Gen. Stanley McChrystal, in his memoir, says he was surprised by the tone of the Rolling Stone article that cost him his job in Afghanistan.
McChrystal also pointed out the magazine's original negative review of the first Led Zeppelin record, making it clear their credibility was already hanging by a thread.
NEW YORK (UPI) -- A passenger aboard a New York-bound flight from Iceland had to be restrained after he became unruly and began shouting profanities, airline officials say.
Travel experts say if he had only waited until after he had deplaned, his behavior would have just been considered "a local hailing a cab."
DALLAS (UPI) -- A Dallas apartment building where presidential assassin Lee Harvey Oswald once lived will be demolished this week, the city's senior assistant attorney said.
Strangely enough, the charges will be set by a guy named Lincoln. Creepy, right?