Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
BERLIN (UPI) -- The longest word in the German language, Rindfleischetikettierungsuberwachungsaufgabenubertragungsgesetz, has been nixed by regional officials.
Naturally this has created the option for a brand new longest word, Rindfleischetikettierungsuberwachungsaufgabenubertragungsgesetznix, which is the act of nixing Rindfleischetikettierungsuberwachungsaufgabenubertragungsgesetz.
GUANTANAMO BAY, Cuba (UPI) -- A motion so secret that it can't be named is front and center at the Guantanamo Bay pretrial of a Saudi man, his attorney said.
Legal experts say this decision is so insane, it is officially known as the Loco-motion.
(UPI) The Connecticut state Senate recently passed a bill striking Orville and Wilbur Wright from history, and assigning credit for the first powered flight to Gustave Whitehead instead.
Connecticut has been praised for finally giving Ohio and North Carolina a reason to make peace and fight as one.
DUNFERMLINE, Scotland (UPI) -- A British psychic who says he can speak to the dead canceled a show in Scotland due to "unforeseen circumstances."
Oh, like you've never used a dumb excuse to call in sick to YOUR job...
LOS ANGELES (UPI) -- About 5.4 million viewers tuned in for this week's Season 3 finale of HBO's medieval fantasy series "Game of Thrones," Hollywood's Variety newspaper said.
Or roughly one viewer for every character that has been killed so far.