From The Desk Of The Office Manager: Jainism Promotions

by Sam Kemmis

COMPANY:

Join me in congratulating Senior Manager of Sales Stan Pinkard and Junior Account Executive Jeff Adams on escaping their corporeal prisons this week and migrating their souls to the bodies of senior management. Both employees have abandonded the tormenting mundanity of Saṃsāra (daily life) and ascended to Moksa, the blissful state of the soul. Stan will now occupy a body that will oversee Sales, and Jeff will report directly to the Executive Board as a VP demigod.

For new employees who may be familiar with our system of life and rebirth, we use a JAIN CONCEPTION OF KARMA for all promotions and demotions. If you come from an office which measured ascendency on the great hierarchy of Earth's beings under a Hindu, Buddhist, or Sikh karmic system: THROW OUT EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT YOU KNOW ABOUT SAMSARA.

THE JAINISM GIST:


This isn't complicated, folks. Just hew your conduct to reverberate with the universal harmony of the timeless universe, and you'll be fine. DO NOT EMAIL ME WITH QUESTIONS about achieving enlightenment, folks. I'm your office manager, not your Acharya.

- Bye -

Katherine Tulls-Potts, BA
Office Manager