From The Desk Of The Office Manager: Office, Politics

by Sam Kemmis

Employees,

As you may be aware, the presidential election is today. And even though the presidency was specifically created as the weakest branch of the United States government by its founders, sheep such as yourselves are mesmerized by the relative simplicity of these elections. Very well.

I shouldn’t have to remind you, folks, that politics have no place in the office. Tomorrow, keep your opinions of the outcome to yourselves and remember that: WHILE ALMOST ALL OF US AGREE ABOUT WHO WE WOULD LIKE TO SEE WIN, GREG MCDONALD WANTS THE OTHER GUY TO WIN. So don’t put Greg in an awkward position by proclaiming your opinion on the outcome.

We can all agree that not only are Greg’s political views abhorrent, but they cast a pall over his personality and sensibilities. BUT PLEASE DO NOT MAKE HIM FEEL OUT OF PLACE BY UNANIMOUSLY EXPRESSING YOUR HAPPINESS/DISCONTENT WITH THE OUTCOME. Greg clearly has emotional problems in surplus, he doesn’t need this, too, folks.

ON A RELATED NOTE:

Per the Citizens United Supreme Court decision, companies may now recommend voting choices to their employees. You may have noticed that we did not recommend that you vote one way or another. Why? Because both candidates are infected with the same COMMUNIST BRAIN WORMS, and your decision is therefore moot. A vote for either candidate is a vote for communist worms. 



We shall all be slaves to the pinko brain worms ere long, people. Don’t think this company was entrusting you to make decisions of any import whatsoever.

- Bye -

Katherine Tull-Potts, BA
Office Manager