From The Desk Of The Office Manager: Psychologically Crippling Spam

by Sam Kemmis


The office network has recently been bombarded with SPAM E-MAILS. These aren't your run-of-the-mill SPAM E-MAILS, folks -- they employ a sophisticated algorithm to prey on individual employees' greatest emotional weaknesses, crafting a hellish pseudo-reality of no escape.

For instance, Dan Margranson received an email from his father, Dan Sr., claiming that he was sorry he never said "I love you," and that he wanted to make up for his emotional detachment by wiring money directly into his son's checking account. SCAM.

In another SPAM E-MAIL, Arianna in sales received an email from "The Child You Never Had," insisting that it was not too late, whatever her doctors might say.  All Arianna had to do to avoid dying alone was invest in a sure-fire Costa Rican real estate venture.

People: This algorithm will GET INSIDE YOUR HEAD, extract your greatest fears and most carnal desire, and use them for ill. To avoid any problems, follow these steps:

Don't forget to send me a copy of this list. For my records.

- Bye -

Katherine Tull-Potts, BA
Office Manager