The higher-ups have decided that that office will be CLOSED tomorrow, JUNE 27th for the upcoming Ragnarǫk. We had been holding out hope that the final battle between the gods of Asgard wouldn't disrupt the morning commute, but the latest prognostications say otherwise.
SO:
- The mail servers will be up into the Earth's forests alight with flame, and the VPN will work until the world is fully submerged in water. THIS IS NOT A VACATION DAY, PEOPLE. You are fully expected to work from home right up until the world ends (~4:15pm).
- It will not officially be Ragnarǫk until Heimdallr blows manfully into Gjallarhorn. If you don't hear Ghallarhorn's piercing note by 11am, the Götterdämmerung is a false alarm. Come into work or file a personal day (DO NOT FILE PERSONAL DAYS THROUGH THE OLD ADMIN SYSTEM. USE THE NEWER ADMIN SYSTEM BUT NOT THE NEWEST ADMIN SYSTEM.)
- FYI: Heimdallr and Loki will slay each other on the plain Vígríðr. So it is written. If you have any outstanding expense reports that cite either of these gods as vendors, please file those ASAP. ASAP means As Soon As Possible (PLEASE read my email with subject "Glossary of extremely common business acronyms" so I don't have to keep spelling this out.)
- Full disclosure: There is a chance that the office will be used to punish murderers and those who break oaths. What does this mean? The walls will be replaced with heads of snakes pointing inward and spewing venom interminably. We're trying to get the gods to use LC Staffing's office space on the 3rd floor instead, but it's a coin flip at this point.
- Only two humans will survive this apocalyptic clash of the gods. So make sure to give Líf and Lífþrasir a clear, detailed explanation of your role so they can cover you. Líf will be especially pressed as she repopulates the world with her fertile womb, so PLEASE be respectful and help her out as much as possible.
BYE
Katherine Tull-Potts, BA
Office Manager