Heavy Petting On Sellout

by Sam Kemmis

It's "Heavy Petting" all this week on Sellout.Woot, where you can get everything you need for your four-legged indentured servant. 

That's right, the wild beast you imprison in your home will be totally happy once you get it a carpeted tree, some snacks and a padded bed. Its basal desires to hunt, kill, and procreate will be utterly fulfilled by all this great gear!

You can remind your pooch if his or her utter inability to escape your control with a cool light-up leash, break its remaining willpower with a humiliating bath, and clothe it like a human even if it lacks the basic rights due to all people. 

You don't care what an alien visiting Earth would think -- you love and respect creature that you keep literally chained in your yard, which is why it deserves the best (well, let's be honest, the best overstock) gear from Woot.com.