Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
JERUSALEM, April 28 (UPI) -- Israeli officials asked people to refrain from lighting bonfires on a Jewish holiday Sunday because of an unusual number of recent wildfires.
Those who encounter burning bushes are encouraged to take off their sandals, hide their face, then contact the fire department and a rabbi.
PERAMANGALAM, India (UPI) -- An Indian man cited by police for letting his son, 10, drive a Ferrari F430 said the complaint won't stop him from allowing the boy to drive a Lamborghini.
He is charged with raising the bar too high for other fathers in the area.
WASHINGTON (UPI) -- U.S. retail receipts rose modestly in the week ending Saturday, climbing 0.4 percent from the previous week, a U.S. trade group said.
The modest receipts made sure to pull down their hem as they rose, blushing lightly at the compliment.
LANSING, Mich. (UPI) -- Award-winning U.S. filmmaker Michael Moore saluted librarians, saying they are "among the most dangerous people in society."
It was later revealed that Moore thought he was at an event discussing Liberians, such as Charles Taylor.