Mister Dar¢y: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

(UPI) Bakery company Hostess Brands LLC is emerging from its second bankruptcy proceeding in four years, and will resume selling its iconic snack cake, the Twinkie, nationwide in the U.S.

Historians are relieved that a generation of schoolchildren will not miss out on making jokes about chocolate covered Ding Dongs.


The end of an era: The last Ding Dongs


LONDON (UPI) -- Outgoing Bank of England Governor Mervyn King said famed author Jane Austen could be the face of the new 10-pound note.

Insiders say when the note is broken into smaller amounts, they will be referred to as "cents and centsibility."

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia (UPI) -- Saudi Arabian King Abdullah has changed the country's weekends from Thursday and Friday to Friday and Saturday, despite objections from religious conservatives.

Yet again, the invisible hand of Loverboy proves to be impossible to resist.



LOS ANGELES (UPI) -- Hollywood filmmaker George Lucas has married businesswoman Mellody Hobson, Lucas' friends Ron Howard and Samuel L. Jackson said via Twitter.

The pair are looking forward to remastering their vows a decade from now, when technology makes it easier for them to achieve the vows the way they were always intended to be.

CALABASAS, Calif. (UPI) -- Famed science-fiction writer Richard Matheson has died of natural causes at his home in Calabasas, Calif., his family said. He was 87.

In a fitting twist, doctors have recently learned that the former writer for "The Twilight Zone" was actually alive… and all of US had died!

The end of an era: The last Ding Dongs from rochelle hartman is used under a Creative Commons License.