Now YOU Can Advertise in my Out of Office Message!

by Randall Cleveland

I don't mean to brag, but I'm a Marketing genius. Seriously. I've just had an idea that's going to change the face of advertising forever: I'm going to let you pay me to advertise in my Out of Office messages.

I get literally hundreds of emails a day. You could be responding to EACH of them! The possibilities are endless! Businesses, charities, even individuals can benefit from targeted advertising like this! For only $5 sent to my PayPal, here's how YOU can get your message SEEN!


Got a sale you need to spread the word about? Want to let people know about your new location? Looking to give your sales that extra boost? Consider any of the following options!

"Hi, I'll be out of the office today through Thursday. And you know, whenever I'm out of the office I always make a point to stop by Smilin' Jack's Steakhouse. Whether it's a tender Filet Mignon, fire-kissed Porterhouse, or sumptuous surf and turf, Jack's does it right. Stop by today!"

"Hello, I am currently out of the office. If your message is urgent, please contact management. Although if they have any sense, THEY'RE out of the office too because Memory Makers is having a blowout sale on some of the best greeting cards, doilies, knick knacks, and glassware in their inventory!"

"Sorry, but it looks like I caught the stomach flu that's going around. I'll be out of the office until further notice. It's a shame, too, because I was really looking forward to getting a complimentary haircut in celebration of Suzy's Salon opening on California Ave. today. Be sure to stop by and mention this Out of Office message for 20% off any coloring!"

See how that works? A personally crafted, highly targeted message beamed directly to customers and it's not even unsolicited! Technically! But you don't have to be a business to benefit from this strategy.


At rates like these even YOU can afford to personally advertise with me. Put a spin on that marriage proposal! Impress your friends! Just give yourself a pick-me-up! Anyone emailing me COULD be seeing a message from you:

"Hi, this is Randall, I'll be out of the office Monday, the 22nd through Friday, the 26th. Apropos of nothing, Chris Peters is the best kisser on planet Earth. Seriously. Give him a smooch and see."

"Hey all. Sorry, but I've been called away unexpectedly due to a death in the family. I am not sure when I will be back. PS Melissa Knobloch of Macon, Indiana: will you marry Steve Ketterman?"

"If I wasn't headed out of town for the next four days to cover the Consumer Electronics Show you can bet I'd be hitting on Stacy Duncan of Desoto, Missouri. She is as hot as she is available."

Public Service Announcements

Municipalities on a budget can reach their citizens now in an instant, thanks to targeted email out of office messages!

"I am in a Company-Mandated Sexual Harassment Education Seminar all day today. Also, there is a boil order until further notice for Los Gatos, California."

"Due to the Ballard Farmer's Market running out of cherries for the season I will be taking the rest of the afternoon off."

"I am working from home today with limited access to email, but still available on my cell phone. There is a PTA meeting tonight at 6pm in St. Joseph, Minnesota, and they still need a volunteer to provide some kind of cookie or snack and drinks."

Space is filling up fast and you never know when I'll have to leave the office, so don't delay! Send me $5 today!