Probably Thrown In A Bottomless Pit: Woot Weads The Wire

by Scott Lydon

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

MIAMI, Oct. 16 (UPI) -- Hurricane Paul was slowing down and rapidly weakening over Baja California Tuesday, forecasters said.

Hurricane Paul's supporters say it's too early to completely downgrade the storm, but insiders say the National Weather Service has already decided to lock out any delegate who moves to classify Paul as anything above a Category 3.



BURBANK, Calif. (UPI) -- A van advertising "Topless Maids for $99" in a California city is generating complaints from residents and business owners.

A spokesperson for the van owners has apologized on their behalf, saying they made a mistake and adds that, going forward, they will now sell all of the maid, instead of just the bottom.

SAN DIEGO (UPI) -- Researchers say satellite data has revealed a geological oddity in South America unlike any seen on Earth, a phenomenon they've dubbed the "sombrero uplift."

And in a related story, massive numbers of satellite researchers were fired this week, for what insiders are calling "massive issues with racism."


frisky sombrero


ATLANTA (UPI) -- Georgia Institute of Technology researchers say they have developed a home test for adults to screen themselves for early signs of dementia.

Adults who pass are in the clear, while adults who fail are allowed full access to most major internet forums.

Hurricane from Chalky Lives and frisky sombrero from isfullofcrap are used under a Creative Commons License.