Sean University: A little help from lady [pot]luck!

by Sean Adams

You want to reward your employees for their hard work with a special lunch. So, you think, “I’ll hire a caterer.” But here’s the thing: caterers cost money. And remember the old saying goes, “You gotta spend money to make money,” not “You gotta spend money to have other people make food for you.” So how do you make put together a special lunch without spending money? You call it a potluck! 

Now, you’re probably thinking, isn’t potlucking the thing they do in the Olympics where someone tries to throw a big rock further than the other guy? Actually, that’s shot-putting. But don’t be embarrassed; I get those two confused all the time myself. A potluck is when everyone at your workplace brings in some food and you all share it, buffet style.

But as with everything, you can’t just leave it completely open or else it’ll just be chaos. No, you need to set some guidelines for what your employees can and can’t bring. And to help you come up with your own, I’ve decided to share the ones we use here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership.

You are NOT allowed to bring any of the following to SAUBMDL potluck:

  • Tortilla chips with more than 3 sharp edge (play it safe; just get the round kind)
  • Anything that “jiggles” for more than 13 seconds after it is placed on the table
  • Anything that looks crispy but is actually soft
  • Conceptual dishes
  • Any dish whose title rhymes with “low rate of attrition” (let’s keep it positive)
  • Fortune tomatoes (tomatoes with fortunes inserted into them)
  • Anything referred to as “barbecued” simply because it has barbecue sauce on it
  • Un-grilled grilled-cheese sandwiches
  • Shrimp with “greedy tails” (tails that take a good chunk of shrimp meat with them when you pull them off)
  • Fortune cucumbers (like fortune tomatoes, but cucumbers instead)
  • Screwdrivers in hotdog buns
  • Any dish that camouflages itself to a table cloth
  • Donuts where you can’t see through the holes
  • Any dish that requires a post-it indicating that it is “edible”
  • Fortune radishes (You understand by now)

Like I said, those are the rules we use here at Sean U. What do you hate to see at potlucks?