Sean University: A walk in the parking!

by Sean Adams

You know what sucks about cars? They don’t disappear when you stop driving them. No, like big jerks, they just sit there and wait for you to find a place to park them. With one car, this isn’t a big deal; you’ve got tons of options. The street, a garage, a driveway, a neighbor’s yard, the sidewalk, all those places just waiting to filled by your automobile!

But when you’re a business and all your employees have cars, then it gets complicated. It’s up to you as the business owner to provide them with a place to leave all their cars. This area is traditionally called a “parking lot” because there’s a lot of thought that goes into each one.

That’s right: you can’t just be like, “Parking lot’s anywhere behind that tree over there.” You need to be really thorough. You need to inspect the land you want to put the parking lot on so you know for certain it’ll work. Not sure what to look for? Well, no worries! We here at The Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership can help. Here are some red flags that will reveal your spot’s poor parking potential:

Lava: Sure in a perfect world, you could set it up so that lava is allowed in certain spaces and cars in others! But no! That’d be too much to ask of that molten hot diva! It wants to go wherever it wants, whenever it wants! So lame!

Actually not land but a cloud: You just went on a long business trip and now you’re flying home. On your final approach, you see this lush white field with nothing on it and you think, “Oh man, there’s so much space for parking up there!” But there’s really not. Because that’s not land, it’s a cloud. And you can’t pave on water vapor (yet!).

Booby traps: This one’s tough, because if the booby traps are really good, you won’t be able to tell that they’re there until it goes off. That’s why you need to use one of your disposable cars and disposable employees to test every parking lot you build.

Someone else’s parking lot: You know that thing you’d do with a baseball bat, where one person would put his hand on it, and then the other person would put his hand on top of that, and so on and so on until you got to the end of the bat and whoever was on top won? You can’t do that with parking lots.

Cliffs: Okay, so it’s more complicated than “no cliffs.” The top ledge part of the cliff is sorta okay for a parking lot, but the cliff part is a no go. Not sure which part you’re on? No worries: there’s an easy test. Are you standing? Then you’re on the ledge part! Are you falling? That’s the cliff part. Don’t try to pave that part.

Those are our parking tips! Now, if you've got any of your own, share them in the comments!