Sean University: Drop Out The Right Way!

by Sean Adams


 
It’s back-to-school week here at Woot, and since The Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership is the only school actually run from WITHIN the site, I figured I should put something together for it. Unfortunately, though, when they told me it was back-to-school week, what I heard was “it’s back-out-of-school week.” That’s why I’ve put together this, a comprehensive guide to dropping out of college THE RIGHT WAY!

If you leave in the middle of a semester, you’ll probably get the grade of “incomplete” in all of your classes. This can look bad to have on your record, so when you get your transcripts, just take a pen and write “control of his life and so doesn’t need any more school” after each one.

Don’t be scared. Sure, millions of people have dropped out of college and accomplished little in life, but one or two have gone on to be wildly successful. And you yourself are just one guy, not a million guys, so you’re more likely to do well!

Leaving on a motorcycle is ideal. If you don’t have a motorcycle, just say you’re leaving on a motorcycle. And if someone’s like, “I didn’t know you had a motorcycle,” tell him, “Yeah, well, I actually park it in a garage that’s far away to save money.” That way, you appear both badass and practical.

Follow-up to the motorcycle tip: if you want to ride off into the sunset, be sure to time it right. Because “packing all your books into a box during the sunset” is way less romantic-sounding.

If you’ve got nothing lined up, be sure to live in the same town as your former college. That way you can hang out with all of your old friends and brag about how much freedom you have. It’s the only time you’ll ever get to make people jealous for failing to complete something that they had the wherewithal to see through to the end!

Be careful! There are countless schemes set-up to trick recent college dropouts. For example, some schools will offer classes on how to adjust to a more unstructured lifestyle. Sounds helpful, right? But here’s the thing: you take that class, and you are technically no longer a college dropout. Sneaky, huh?

Remember, if you reconsider, nothing’s stopping you from going back to college. In fact, if you leave Sean University and later decide to re-enroll, all you need to do is pay your re-enrollment fee, your knowledge recovery fee, your classroom retraining fee, your intellectual reflex test fee, your monetary display of commitment to education fee, your acknowledgement that you should have never left fee, your mobile Class-on-the-Go reinstallation fee, your postponed enlightenment fee, and a minor fee-processing service fee!


 
That’s what we got here. What about you? Are you a dropout? Have any tips for people considering making the leap to less learning?