Sean University: Pen[ding]

by Sean Adams

There have been plenty poems written about coming to a fork in the road and having to decide which way to go. Some of them are pretty long too, which adds suspense because the longer the poet stands in the middle of the road there thinking “do I go left or do I go right?” the more of a chance there is that he could get hit by a car.

But don’t worry! Today’s lesson here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership isn’t about roads or poets; it’s about making important decisions. Specifically, when you’re at work and you need to decide between writing something with a pen, a pencil, or a computer keyboard. Here’s a comprehensive “cheat-sheet” about which writing implements to use in a variety of common office scenarios:

  • Typing: computer keyboard
  • Signing something: pen
  • Signing something on behalf of a robot employee: computer keyboard
  • Doing math on a notepad: pencil (in case you make mistakes)
  • Doing math on a notepad in front of a beautiful woman: pen (shows confidence)
  • Writing on the whiteboard: trick question! There are special markers for that!
  • Writing on the whiteboard of your enemy: pen
  • Composing an email: computer keyboard
  • Decomposing a computer email: compost bin
  • Eating noodles when there aren’t chopsticks available: pen and pencil together
  • Pointing at something when there are no fingers available: Trick question! You need fingers for all three, so you’re kind of up a creek on this one.
  • Writing your girlfriend’s name on your desk: pen :)
  • Writing your girlfriend’s name on your desk when she’s been getting a lot of calls from some guy named “Jake” who’s definitely not her brother: pencil :(
  • Dotting your i’s: pen
  • Crossing your t’s: pen
  • Shading your r’s: pencil
  • Rendering your k’s defenseless: any writing implement will do, as long as you have that look in your eye!

Those are some of the most common situations where you’ll have to choose between a pen, a pencil, and a computer keyboard, but of course, others will arise. So, if you need my assistance making a decision, just let me know in the comments.