Sean University: So Flush and So Clean

by Sean Adams

Flush. It’s a word that can mean many different things. If you’re talking about poker, a flush is a bunch of cards that are worth a bunch of money together. If you’re talking about someone’s complexion, “flushed” means they look pale. And if you’re talking in a Scottish accent, flush means flesh. But in your office, specifically your office’s bathroom, the only time you say flush is when you’re flushing the toilet.

Now, here’s the thing: when you’re at home, you can flush whatever you want. In the office, though, there are more people, so if you let everyone just flush away willy-nilly, you’re going to waste a lot of water. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: the sky throws out valuable water all the time and nobody complains about it. Well, unfortunately that’s just how society works, and we, the human race, must once again be the shining example, which means practicing water conservation.

The only problem is, most flushing policies only focus on two things: #1 and #2. And if your office’s toilet is like ours, there are COUNTLESS other things that can find themselves in the bowl. So that’s why we here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership have put together this handy guide to what you should flush and what you should leave:

1. Ducklings: It’s not the ducklings’ fault that they were able to get into your office, wander the halls, find the toilets, and confuse them for tiny ponds; it’s the fault of whoever left the door open.

VERDICT: don’t flush. Instead, raise the ducklings and when they’re old enough, build a flying machine to help them migrate for the first time.

2. Corn: You see corn in a toilet and you think, “Oh sweet! Free corn! I can just take that home, wash it, and use it to make some salsa!” But here’s the thing: corn can go through all sorts of processes and still come out looking like corn. So you really have no idea where it’s been.

VERDICT: flush and never look back!

3. Passive Aggression: Nothing’s worse than when you get into the stall and you’re ready to do your business but wait! What’s that there? A giant heap of passive aggression that the last guy didn’t take care of!

VERDICT: Don’t flush. Instead, stand in the stall and talk loudly to “no one in particular” about how you wish certain things would flush themselves.

4. Snakes: There’s an old rhyme about snakes. It’s “a snake you can see is a snake you can beat.” The rhyme was written a long time ago, back when the letter t was silent, but it’s still applies to situations you might face today. Like, for example, finding a snake in the toilet. Sure, lifting the lid and seeing it there would be scary, but it’s better than being like, “I wonder where the snake is now.”

VERDICT: don’t flush! (IMPORTANT NOTE: this scenario requires more consideration if there are ducklings in another toilet.)

So that’s what we got on water conservation. Have something that you’re not sure about flushing? Ask in the comments, and I’ll do my best to help.