Sean University: Which art art thou?

by Sean Adams

It’s possible to sign your name on a receipt with a letter opener; you just need to dip in ink first. But is it ideal? No. You have to be really gentle or else you’ll end up tearing the receipt or damaging the surface underneath, and that’s if you manage to even take the thing out of your pocket without someone calling the police and saying, “There’s a crazy man with a dagger and it looks like he’s going to stab a barista!”

What’s my point? There are two: first, to explain the “scene” I caused at the coffee shop downstairs from the office; and second, to show that different situations call for different tools. And nowhere is this rule more important than in art.

You can’t just look at something and think, “Oh, I should really art that!” No, you need to choose the correct art for the circumstances. That’s why we here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership have assembled the following brief guide to making the right art. Below we’ll present three real world scenarios and then tell you which visual art you should use to deal with it:

1. You run into a bunch of your friends at the grocery store and invite them over. “Sounds good!” they say, and they ride home with you. When you get there, you ask, “what do you guys want to do?” and they say, “Hey, howsa about we arrange ourselves artistically on this table over here!” Also, when I said “friends” I meant “fruit,” and the parts where they talked didn’t actually happen.

The art you should use is: painting

2.  You’re out hiking when you come to a bridge that’s being guarded by a mysterious old man. “On the yonder side of yonder river lies treasures boundless as they eye can gander upon, but in order for me to let you cross, you must solve the following riddle: what has eyes like a beagle and legs like an ox but can sleep not under the full moon? Or, alternatively, if you’re not into riddles, you could just help me put together my acting reel.”

The art you should use is: video

3. You’re walking down a long windowless hallway with many unmarked doors. Suddenly, one of them bursts open releasing a flood of broccoli cheddar soup! And it’s just then that you realize you’re really hungry and holding a spoon. If only there were some way to catch some of this incoming wave of soup…

The art you should use is: pottery

That should give a pretty basic idea of how to choose the right art, but there are other arts out there, so if you’ve got one you’re interested in pursuing, post it in the comments and I’ll try to come up with a scenario in which it would be useful. Also, if you want try to answer the above riddle, that’d be fun too.