The Guac-Off: Guac Will Never Die

by Scott Lydon

Ah, the golden days of the top of last month. Iron Man 3 had still made less money than Transformers: Dark Of The Moon. Daft Punk's new album was still on the horizon. Russell Westbrook's knee was strong and proud. And the Woot Seattle team gathered in the company kitchen to decide once and for all who made the best guacamole.

 

All non-allergic personnel were gathered together, taken downstairs to a specially chartered bus, driven around the block, taken off the bus, and then escorted right back upstairs to where chips, plates and cutlery were waiting. After the jump, we'll show you some of the contestants, and talk about who won!

 

Behold the contestants! In the interest of fairness, each was set up in secret and given a number while nobody was looking. We wanted the contest to be about the food, not about which jerkface spent all night smashing avocados instead of finishing that report which was due, like, a week ago. Voting was fair and anonymous. As you can see above, Best Presentation went to Contestant #1, a salsa/guac blend in a pretty avocado bowl! So much Tupperware, tsk tsk. But we're getting ahead of ourselves.

 

Hungry judges filled their hands with chips and their plates with guac and their mouths with well-guac'ed chips. Some were happy, some were sad, some were shocked-

 

-but all were given a single slip of paper to place beneath their favorite contestant. How did the voting go? Deliciously!

 

Most Refreshing, of course, went to the Guac 'N Limes. Maybe unorthodox to some, this mixture had a solid texture with a nice little burst of citrus underneath. Truly, a bold decision.

 

Most Polite? This bean salad, with ZERO avocado inside! It was very nice that there was an alternative for anyone allergic to avocado, and pretty much the whole staff agreed it was a butt-kickin' side dish. However, since there were no avocados, the bean salad was not technically part of the competition. Even still, a very polite gesture.

 

Most Original went to the ridiculously good avocado cheesecake! Nobody was expecting to find a dessert at a guac-off, and the avocado added texture and, um, nutrition. Ah, the lies we tell ourselves… but at least it was still delicious.

BEST IN SHOW

 

Smooth texture? Check. Just enough spice? Check. An additional color to help catch one's eye? Check. And the taste of Ray's "No Clever Name Submitted" Guacamole was strong enough to carry these avocados all the way to the top.

FYI, all participants were given a small prize courtesy of our pals over at Zappos. Well done, avocado smashers!

 

All judges, of course, got to take home the leftover guacamole. Of which there was very little.