Woot! - One Day, One Deal

Little Giant 15 Foot Ladder System - $129.99

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 00:00:03 -0500

We’re Just Like Tim Burton

Once upon a time there were three bears. And a little girl named Goldilocks.

Goldilocks hated her parents, because they named her Goldilocks. The other children teased her constantly, and Goldlilocks found that very upsetting. Soon Goldilocks began experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and also began making out with other women in public. She wasn’t actually attracted to women, she just did it to upset her parents. And then, one day, Goldilocks stole a Little Giant 15 Foot Ladder System and went into the forest.

Goldilocks knew that the police in three states were looking for her because of her actions, so she decided to take her Little Giant 15 Foot Ladder System to this little house she knew about. It was the house where the bears lived. Goldilocks had bought pills from there before so she knew the way.

When Goldilocks arrived, she knocked on the door. No one was at home. Goldilocks decided to set the Little Giant 15 Foot Ladder System to the extension ladder position and climbed up to the second story window. The u-shaped locking rods let her adjust the height of the Little Giant 15 Foot Ladder System so that she could reach the window and let herself inside.

Once there, Goldilocks hauled up the Little Giant 15 Foot Ladder System and looked around. Everywhere she looked, there were shelves full of money! One shelf was too low. And one shelf was too high. And one shelf was just right. But Goldilocks knew that the shelf which was just right was a trap and was wired with an explosive device.

So Goldilocks used the spring-loaded knobs to set the Little Giant 15 Foot Ladder System to the stepladder position. Still easily adjustable, Goldilocks found the correct height, then locked the rods in place. She quickly scrambled to the top and began helping herself to the money.

Just then, the door opened! It was Papa Bear! Goldilocks screamed and slid down the Little Giant 15 Foot Ladder System, quickly returning it to the closed position. She grabbed it, and since it was made from aircraft-grade aluminum, it was easy for her to lift. But who ever heard of a ladder that was easy to hold while running? Certainly not Goldilocks, because she was torn apart by Papa Bear’s mighty paws.

As Goldilocks died, she cursed the world, especially her parents, who had trapped her in this inescapable destiny. Her last thought was of the Little Giant 15 Foot Ladder System, and how much she would miss it. As Mama Bear and Baby Bear began to devour her torso, Goldilocks wondered if there were Little Giant 15 Foot Ladder Systems in Heaven. She was sure in her very last thoughts that there would be.

Warranty: Lifetime Manufacturer

Features:

Unique design allows ladder to be extended in both step ladder and extension ladder configurations
Unmatched feeling of stability in any configuration thanks to aircraft-grade aluminum, wide-flared legs, and high quality construction
Hinged middle connection has two permanent spring-loaded knobs that press in to adjust the ladder between the closed position, the step position and the extension position
U-shaped spring-loaded steel rods lock inside section of ladder to outside section
Unlock U-shaped spring-loaded steel rods to allow inside section of ladder to slide and lock every 12"
Multiple configurations, including A-frame, extension, 90-degree access and six different scaffolding positions—buy one ladder to do the job of five
The right ladder for the right job every time and avoid 95 percent of all ladder-related safety issues.
Access to the toughest areas such as the space above the staircase, vaulted ceilings; and use your ladder over and around obstacles
OSHA and ANSI compliance and is rated to hold up to 250 lbs.
Storage height is 4 Feet 7 Inches
Ladder weighs 29 lbs.

Stepladder Heights:

Lowest Height: 4 Feet
First Extended Height: 5 Feet
Second Extended Height: 6 Feet
Highest Extended Height: 7 Feet

Extension Ladder Heights:

Lowest Height: 9 Feet
First Extended Height: 10 Feet
Second Extended Height: 11 Feet
Third Extended Height: 12 Feet
Fourth Extended Height: 13 Feet
Fifth Extended Height: 14 Feet
Highest Extended Height: 15 Feet

Additional Photos:

In the box:

Little Giant Model 10302 Ladder System

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Price: $129.99

Mr. Clean AutoDry Carwash System

Woot — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 00:00:03 -0500

Dirty Business

Who was this hulking silhouette sitting at my desk in the dark? All I could make out was a glint off his bald head, and a smaller, golden glint off his right ear.

Anxious, I switched on the light. Then I got even more anxious. “It’s…it’s you.”

He smiled the famous smile, winked the famous wink. But it had never looked so menacing in the commercials. “You can have my autograph later. I’m here to talk business.”

I’d heard about what he could do to people who refused to play ball. The story of a Cincinnati grocery-store owner flashed through my mind. When the police found the body, the guy’s face was almost totally gone – as if it had been scrubbed off… “I’m sure, uh, we can, uh, work something out. Can I get you a drink?”

“Ammonia on the rocks, with a splash of bleach.”

I hurried to fix the drinks, the tinkling of ice against glass betraying my trembling hand. I wished he’d get to the point. After a langurous sip of his cocktail, he did.

“I understand you’re in the crap business. Remainders, overstocks, that kind of thing.”

“That’s right. The way it works is, every day at midnight a new product goes up on our site, and it’s the only thing for sale-”

He waved a hand to silence me. My God, his hands were huge. And of course, so clean. “Save it for the annual report. I have a proposal that could make us both a lot of money, and do me a favor in the process. See, I have a ton of this Mr. Clean Car Wash System that I can’t move. If you were to take it off my hands, I’d be, let’s say, very grateful. I think it would be in your best interest to make a deal.”

The bushy white eyebrows arched just a little. The piercing blue eyes searched mine, silently asking if the message had been received. I looked away. Yes, message received.

“And your customers’ll love it, believe me,” he went on, idly inspecting the glass in his hand. “The soap has a Dry Rinse Polymer™ that not only gets a car clean, it provides touch-free, spotless drying. The sprayer’s All-Grip Selector Knob is perfect for use by wet, soapy hands. And the included filter changes colors when it needs to be replaced. You’ll do fine with it.”

I wondered why he was bothering trying to sell me on it. We both knew how this would work. He named a price, which was acceptable enough. And then he told me how many unit we would be buying. It took a huge effort to hide my shock. Not that it worked.

“Oh, I know it’s a big quantity. But people tell me you guys move merchandise fast. And if you don’t sell it all in one day, well, you can just keep bringing it back until they all sell out. That’s kinda your thing, right?”

I chuckled a little and nodded. I just wanted him out of my office before I did anything to offend him. The tension was unbearable.

“OK, then. I’ll have my people contact you in the morning. You’re not going to do any dirt on me here, are you? Like backing out of the deal or maybe calling the cops? I wouldn’t if I were you. You know how I hate dirt.”

I did. I knew our users would get sick of seeing this car wash kit on the site so many times over and over, but they couldn’t hurt me. He could. What choice did I have? I stuck out my hand to shake his – and bumped his drink. Horrified, I watched a stain blossom on his immaculate white t-shirt. I felt sick with terror.

But he just laughed. “No big deal. I know how to take care of something like that. Like I said, you’ll be hearing from us tomorrow. Pleasure doing business with you. Stay clean.” And he folded his arms, winked again, and vanished on a wave of blue sparkles. All he left behind was one frightened product buyer… and a faint whiff of lemon.

Warranty: 1 Year Proctor and Gamble

Features:

Spot-Free clean and shine with no need to hand dry
Motor Trend Approved
Spot-free results guaranteed
Dry Rinse Polymer sheets water off your car for fast drying and leaves no residue behind
Pur water filter Removes water impurities which cause spots, even in hard water
Helps protect the clearcoat by cleaning dirt and water spots, leaving a shine on the surface
Ergonomic design to deliver Mr.Clean AutoDry results
Cleans without re-using dirty water
Thumb-Activated On-Off Switch
Power grip handle textured to prevent slippage
All grip selector knob designed for use with wet/soapy hands
Leak-Resistant Hose Hook-up
Durable ABS plastic housing
Soap reservoir with vacuum metering, always delivers a consistent soap mixture
Rubberized soap fill cap, attached so you never lose it
Safe For All Car Finishes
Also good for cleaning Motorcycles, RV’s, boats, Windows, siding, and lawn furniture

Additional Photos:

Mr. Clean AutoDry Soap:

The first part of the Mr.Clean AutoDry™ Carwash
Dry Rinse Polymer™ sheets water off your car for fast drying
Easily removes dirt and grime
Leaves no film or residue
Works with Mr.Clean AutoDry Filter to leave your car incredibly clean and shiny

Mr. Clean AutoDry Filter:

The second part of the Mr.Clean AutoDry Carwash
Removes water impurities which cause spots, even in hard water
Includes a color-change indicator that changes from black to brown when it is exhausted
Works with Mr.Clean AutoDry Soap to dry your car spot-free every time
Number of uses varies on factors such as water hardness and usage

3 Independent Spray Nozzles:

Sprays soap solution
Sprays filtered water
Sprays rinse water

Also for use on:

Windows
Body & Mirrors
Chrome
Wheels & Tires
Does not strip wax
Helps protect the clearcoat

In the box:

Mr.Clean AutoDry Device
6.7 fl oz (200ml) Soap, With Dry Rinse Polymer
Starter Filter

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I Can't Believe It's Not A Felony: Woot Weads The Wire

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 15:30:00 -0500

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

BEIJING (UPI)—A landscape by the legendary 17th century Chinese painter Zhu Da fetched a record price at a Beijing auction Sunday, auction officials said.

The previous record was held by artist Zippy Deeay.

ISTANBUL, Turkey (UPI)—U.S. television talk show diva Oprah Winfrey has been honored in Turkey with a traditional Ottoman Mehteran band and whirling dervishes, observers say.

Guests thrilled to the lavish dinner, in which an egg was stuffed in a chicken which was stuffed in a sheep which was stuffed into a camel which was stuffed into Dr. Phil.

RAPID CITY, S.D. (AP)—Police arrested a man they said tried to rob a hotel around 6 p.m. on Sunday with a butter knife.

The man is being charged with assault and buttery.

DES MOINES, Iowa (AP) Iowa State Fair organizers announced Tuesday that they will have a statue of Michael Jackson made of butter.

Organizers added that any child who visits the statue will be given a little pat.

TAMPA, Fla. (UPI)—Tampa police say 50-year-old television pitchman Billy Mays was found dead at his home Sunday.

However the funeral home refused to accept the body until an additional body was included for free.

ANDERSON, Ohio (UPI)—A young Ohio man allegedly broke into a Cincinnati-area house while the owners were on vacation and stayed there for a week.

The man received a six month suspended sentence for trespassing and a 26.9 million dollar fine for infringing on the copyright of Beverly Hills Cop.

OVERLAND, Mo. (UPI)—Residents of Overland, Mo., say they can’t find a time capsule buried in 1959 that was to be used for a local celebration.

Organizers say that this loss is tragic, as the traditional Overland Is The Cat Alive Or Dead Festival is loved by children and physicists alike.

HOUSTON (UPI)—Space scientists in Europe and the United States are singing the praises of Ulysses, the sun-survey satellite being shut down this week after 18 years of work.

yes they said yes they said yes

Saxual Inadequacy: Rating The '80s Sax Solos

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 11:35:00 -0500

Most mornings, I wake up thinking, "When is someone finally going to catalog, classify, and rate the saxophone solos of dozens of '80s hits?" Well, now someone has, complete with audio clips and icons denoting qualities like "Middle-School Level" and "Vibrato Overuse". Of all the stylistic tics that define '80s pop, none sound more dated than the faux sophistication of the sax solo. Cheap synthesizers and primitive drum machines have made a strong comeback, but you won't be hearing solos like this again outside the occasional Michelob commercial.

(Thanks for the link, Luke!)

Photo: Líra tónlistartrúður by Flickr user Sara Björk, used under a Creative Commons license.

Protocol Carlisle 3 Piece Luggage Set

Woot — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 00:00:03 -0500

The Perfect Way To Pack For Your Staycation

If you’re a free spirit looking for a set of luggage that can withstand the rigors of traveling the globe… well, you’re not shopping here today. Go see if you like what’s at Sellout instead.

If, however, you’re the sort of person who just needs some luggage that will mostly just be sitting in the trunk while you drive, consider the Carlisle 3 Piece Luggage Set. After all, not everyone is going to need the same level of protection.

The Carlisle 3 Piece Luggage Set is made with a relatively durable 600D polyester fabric. That means it’ll do okay, but will certainly show wear and tear faster than those high-end luggage sets. But you probably don’t really… we mean, how often do you… okay, just we’ll put it nicely. A lot of our customers don’t get out much. For most of you, a really expensive luggage set would just really expensively sit in the closet.

A Carlisle 3 Piece Luggage Set, though… well, that might just sit in the closet too. But at least it will sit there so much more cheaply. Instead of a pile of expensive luggage, you’ll have a 25” spinner upright pullman, a 20” spinner carry-on Upright, and a shoulder tote bag, plus a whole bunch of other stuff that you’ll have been able to buy with the money you saved when you chose a Carlisle 3 Piece Luggage Set instead of, you know, something good.

We all know that if you’re the guy in charge of smuggling doctored passports between Microsoft and The Vatican, you’ll be buying a top-of-the-line indestructible Oscar Goldman style briefcase. However, if all you need is a place to put t-shirts on the ten minute drive to your Mom’s house because you promised to watch her poodle during the week she’s in Barbados, the Carlisle 3 Piece Luggage Set is the perfect luggage set for you.

Also makes a great thing for your cat to destroy! Show your cat you love them with a Carlisle 3 Piece Luggage Set! Cheaper than a scratching post! Feels more forbidden! Possibly dangerous to the cat! What a perfect gift!

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

Durable 600D polyester fabric
Full polyester lining keeps your contents neat and protected
Nylon coil zippers
PVC coating for water resistance
360 degree whirlwind wheel system
Retractable handles
Top and bottom handles for convenience

Additional Photos:

In the box:

25” Spinner Upright Pullman
20” Spinner Carry-on Upright
Shoulder Tote

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12 Ways The Pirate Bay Will Change Now That It's Going Legit

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 12:30:00 -0500

"The Pirate Bay has agreed to being purchased by Global Gaming Factory (owner of a network of Internet cafes and gaming centers) for 60 million Swedish Krona or roughly $7.8 million. According to a press release, 'GGF intends to launch new business models that allow compensation to the content providers and copyright owners.'"
-- Engadget

New mascot: a wide-eyed lemur voiced by Justin Timberlake
DRM limitations require biometrically encoded MP3s audible only to the purchaser
Each torrent will include a 4GB "bonus pack" with different versions of Solitaire and a playable demo of "Dinosaur Alphabet Learning"
Seeders get points that can be redeemed for novelty pencil erasers or plastic whistles
Before you can get any torrents, you have to scroll through several pages of idiotic quizzes taken by "friends" you haven't seen since high school
Duke Nukem Forever download will still be stuck at 40%
If your subscription lapses, your mind will be wiped of all memory of the songs, movies, and games you "bought"
Every user will automatically be friends with "xxRIAACutiexx" and "MPAALuva69"
Movie torrents will still be free, but key characters will be digitally replaced by the AFLAC duck
Swedish police can get back to dealing with their country's more serious crime problems, like littering
That stupid "Ten Free Songs!" flyer that falls out of the morning newspaper will now say "Pirate Bay" instead of "Napster"
Big pizza party at the Pirate Bay founders' house

Corona Clipper Fusion Handheld Multi-Tool – 2 Pack

Woot — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:00:03 -0500

...But Seriously

Sweaty puppet caricatures not included

I must’ve pruned a thousand shrubs
I clipped ‘em down to stumpy stubs
And I can open bottles too
Among other things I can do

‘Cause did you see the Woot today?
I bought that thingy right away
It’s just the thing a fellow needs
To cut stuff and to pull up weeds

There’s too many men
Too many people
Facing too many problems
Without this tool that I’ve found
Can’t you see? This is a Corona Fusion

This is the wire stripper
And this here is the bag ripper
Use them around your house, it’s
Amazing you lived without this tool

A Leatherman this ain’t, that’s true
But it comes at less expense to you
And plus it has a sprinkler tool
Which, frankly, I find pretty cool

This here’s a saw
And this here’s a ruler
Hurry, click if you want one
‘Cause we don’t have tons to go ‘round
Dunno why; it’s just a Corona Fusion

Warranty: Lifetime Corona

Features:

3" blade cuts though small braches and twigs
Handheld stainless steel pruning blade
Cut cleanly and resists rust
Compact folding design
Nylon pouch with belt loop, keep it on your hip for easy access
Easy to use thumb lock keeps the blades locked in to prevent accidental injury
Measures 4 1/2" long when folded in on itself

11 tools in 1:

Bypass pruner
Wire cutter
Bottle opener
Wire stripper
Sprinkler Tool
Saw
Weeder
Ruler
Point blade knife
Bag ripper
Half serrated knife

Additional Photos:

In the box:

2 Corona Clipper MT5911 Fusion 11 Multi-Tools

Discuss this product

Winners' Gallery: the Best of Contest 225

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 16:55:00 -0500

At some point in the recent past, we asked you to show us where the Woot bloggers should go next, and what we should do there. Some of you picture your Woot staff in the straaaangest situations. I'm not going to mention any names. bradcrc.

First Place - $100
bradcrc - My eyes! My eyes!
If your eyes still work, see also Exhibit A.

Second Place - $50
fyrefall - ye Olde Woot
They say a man should always dress for the job he wants; so why am I dressed up like a peasant at ye Olde Woot's storefront? (And who's that fetching young lass in the blue sleeveless top?)

Third Place - $20
Toadlet - Running of the Woot Staff
The bulls bravely endure their adrenaline-filled dash from danger that is the Woot Staff Run.

Honorable Mentions:

toby8915 - Do I smell brimstone?
'Cause Toby's going to hell for this one.

wildwolf11 - 2009 A Woot Odyssey
"Open the pod bay doors, HAL." "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."

Xexus - What a Go-Getter
If you listen carefully you can hear "We Got the Beat" and "Our Lips Are Sealed" in the background.

FedUpOldHag - Tribbles Convention
The trouble with tribbles is that they will never ever go away.

majit - Disney Vacation
Looks like someone brought a refurb camera on their Disney vacation. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Monkey Prize
DarthJay - Wonka Bar
Can we get a Woota Bar? With a Pope Hat? Anyone? Anyone...?

Money winners, please email your Paypal info to jtoon@woot.com. Monkey Prize winner, please email your shipping address to jtoon@woot.com. Here's something to think about: What do you call a monkey holding a stick of dynamite? Honorable Mentioneers may use coupon code HONMEN-FS for free shipping on a future order. Until next time remember: The next time you're at the Renaissance Faire, the running of the bulls, the Tribble convention, or some convention that lets men dress up in booth babe bikinis, look for the Woot staff. They're totally taking notes. Answer: ¡ɯooqɐq ɐ

Woot’s Year of Greetings: June

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 13:05:00 -0500

We’re running a year-long series of monthly greeting cards, and no, we haven’t missed any out of laziness; we had planned all along to release the May card in July. Anyway, here’s June! Click the thumbnail below to save it as a PDF —then print it, fold it in half two times, sign it and send it!

June, as you probably already know, is National Accordion Awareness Month in the U.S. Maybe you’re an accordionist yourself. Or maybe you’re the tubaist alongside one in an oom-pah band. Or maybe you’re just a fan, or maybe your momma’s got a squeeze box. Whatever your situation, National Accordion Awareness Month is almost certainly a huge deal for you and your loved ones. Exchange this card with them! It’s free, after all.

Hey, FYI: We’re banging out Woot’s Year of Greetings Cards next Monday and the Monday after, too. Brace yourself for an unusually concentrated dose of holiday wishes!

Woot Contest 227: They Just Faded Away

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 12:00:01 -0500

Celebrity deaths, they say, come in threes...except when they come faster than that. We've seen a bunch of famous folk move on to the big encore in the sky lately, and we're wondering what their next acts are. That's where you come in:

Show us what a recently deceased celebrity (or group of celebrities) is doing in the afterlife.

Obviously, please keep it reasonably tasteful. Yes, that means no Michael Jackson pedophilia jokes.

Post your entry here by 11:59 AM (central) on Monday, July 6, 2009. Prizes are $20/$50/$100 for 3rd/2nd/1st. The rules and criteria for winning: our panel of volunteer judges can and will make stuff up as it goes along. Use Photoshop, linoleum blocks, pastels, MSPaint, cave painting, tattoos, tribal scarification, whatever, but it’ll only be judged if it’s visible in our forums as a jpg, gif, or png. As we are fond of saying, try to keep your maximum width to 550px. If you need a place to host your pictures, try www.imageshack.ws or www.photobucket.com. We have no connection to either, but they seem free and easy to use. And if you want us to be sure your entry was indeed your work, post links to your source images. The more sure we are that you did your own work, the more likely we are to consider it for a prize.