There’s that moment when the marketing guys have too much power. It happens all the time in the computer world, which is why games ship about a year too early and you have to wait on patches that should have been included originally. It happens in the hardware world too, and the Versa Wrench V20023 12” 31 in 1 Ratcheting Wrench is a good example.

Sure, you could make an argument that the self-adjusting head can easily take the place of other wrenches, and the Versa Wrench V20023 12” 31 in 1 Ratcheting Wrench will easily handle nuts and bolts from 5/8” – 1-5/8”. But wouldn’t it be better to just call it The Versa Adjustable Wrench? Or better yet, to mention all the things it can do?

The Versa Wrench V20023 12” 31 in 1 Ratcheting Wrench is shockproof and insulated, so you can easily use it as a hammer or maybe a window opening device. It’s a self-defense tool, a way to avenge yourself down at the waterfront, yet still an easy way to open a fresh egg! You can plow a field, crush a penny, even make an imaginary T-Rex! It’s an air guitar, it’s a magic wand, it’s the scepter of an enchanted kingdom! That’s another eleven things you can do with the Versa Wrench V20023 12” 31 in 1 Ratcheting Wrench, just off the top of our heads. Why not the Versa Wrench V20023 12” 42 in 1 Ratcheting Wrench? What big secret is marketing covering up?

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Self adjusting head designed to fit 31 sizes of nuts and bolts
• Fits 5/8” to 1-5/8” bolts or nuts (15mm to 41mm)
• Ergonomic handle that is shock proof and insulated

In the box:

• Versa Wrench V20023 12” 31 in 1 Ratcheting Wrench

Today in 202 BC, Liu Bang was crowned as Emperor Gaozu of Han. Imagine what it would have been like if you’d been there with a Canon ZR800 Mini Digital Camcorder.

Perhaps the guards would have chased you down, fearing that the hand-sized ZR800 was some sort of weapon, forcing you to take advantage of the Electrical Image Stabilizer to keep your shots steady. Perhaps Liu Bang, raised as a peasant, would have called them off and walked to you to show that he feared no man. Imagine what a video that would have been, the 1000x digital smooth zoom keeping his forward motion clean. After all, the Canon ZR800 Mini Digital Camcorder is designed to avoid “zoom jump”. This means you would see the founder of the Han Dynasty as he came closer and closer, until he was right in your face. At which point, you could rotate the Reversible LCD Display and videotape yourself, right next to him. Imagine the slow smile that would cross his face as he marked you as a friend!

Soon you would be in his palace, explaining the Canon ZR800 Mini Digital Camcorder. If you had a computer, you could use the 4-pin Firewire input and output to edit your video on either Mac or PC. Imagine his face the first time he saw a Star Wipe! By the end of the day, you would be Minister of Taping Stuff, showing off the special Faders and Digital Effects, and your new best bud Bangsy would be telling you about the time he fought that cobra.

Soon you’d be there next to a wide tapestry, having to choose between 16:9 or 4:3. It’s that kind of decision that Spielberg had to face, and look what he did! He skipped out on the whole Olympics. Never mind, Steve, we’re sure you’ll get a second chance someday. You can always go back to law school.

The Canon ZR800 Mini Digital Camcorder is like the rule of man: it cannot hold forever. But maybe by the time the Lithium CR1616 Button Battery lost a charge, you would be the Emperor’s best friend. And what would he do for his best friend? Anything! Imagine the British East India Company arriving to discover a million electric lights and recharging plugs in every house. Oh, did we mention the built in White Balance? Not so smug now, eh, Tai Pan? Carry THAT treasure back to your Queen!

It is startling to think of how the Canon ZR800 Mini Digital Camcorder would have changed the past, as well as the present! Imagine that new world, all full of cheap Chinese goods, where American products were looked down upon, where Asia became the world’s factory, where… wait… did you actually go back in time and just not tell us?

Warranty: 60 Day Cannon Limited Warranty

Features:

• 35x optical zoom, 1000x digital zoom
• Electronic Image Stabilizer
• Capable of recording in widescreen (16:9) or standard (4:3) formats
• IEEE 1394 (4-pin Firewire) input and output, edit video on your PC or Mac
• Compatible with MiniDV media tapes
• Reversible LCD display

Specifications:

In the box:

• Canon ZR800 Mini Digital Camcorder
• Power Adapter
• Battery Pack
• Lithium CR1616 Button Battery
• Stereo Video Cable

• I wish the Nintendostalgia brigade that dominates our shirt Derby would spend their time on projects like this Duck Hunt lamp instead.
• Some call them illegal aliens, some call them undocumented workers, photographer Dulce Pinzon calls them superheroes. Come to think of it, Kal-El never got a green card, either.
• Consider the diversity of life on Earth. Go to Spook the Puggle and scroll down for pics of that wonder of nature, the baby echidna.
• Speaking of babies, see also these baby car logos.
• No matter how badly we want to, neither you nor I will ever be Robert Mugabe. But we can pretend with Simbabwe, the only political simulator where the object is to destroy your country.

Four O'Clock Flash: in the Super Mario-style side scroller Dinorun, you're not just outrunning other dinosaurs, but extinction itself.

You’ve got an off-name media player. You make your own hamburgers. You even bought your own generator. You live simply and as free as you can. So why pay the Microsoft tax?

The Lenovo R61-7733-3BU Core 2 Duo T7500 80GB 1GB Linux Notebook comes with SUSE Linux Enterprise Operating System built right in. That means, probably, you’ll have even MORE of the 80gb SATA hard drive than usual, since Windows eats up so much space. And there’s no hunting for drivers for your DVD-ROM/CD-RW optical drive. You can boot up and enjoy, right away.

So why not have a reason to tell your ISP that you’ve been downloading freeware torrents? The Lenovo R61-7733-3BU Core 2 Duo T7500 80GB 1GB Linux Notebook will let you compute in a whole new way… your own.

Warranty: 3 Year Lenovo

Features:

• Intel Core 2 Duo T7500 2.2GHz
• 4mb L2 cache
• 800MHz front side bus
• 80gb 5400rpm SATA hard drive
• 1GB RAM
• DVD-ROM/CD-RW optical drive
• 14.1-inch WXGA TFT (1280 x 768)
• Mobile Intel GM965 Express Chipset
• Intel Graphics Media Accelerator X3100
• Intel PRO/Wireless 3945ABG
• Six-cell battery
• PC Card Slot, ExpressCard Slot
• SUSE Linux Enterprise Desktop 10 SP1

• Lenovo R61-7733-3BU Notebook
• Power Adapter
• Battery
• Users Guide

How we know it’s the future: Remember when young delinquents would irritate their fellow subway riders by blasting music on a portable radio? Well, it’s a quaint memory now—an antique misbehavior, like dipping girls’ pigtails in the inkwell.

Yeah, that’s right! Get with the times, grampa! These days all the teenage ne’er-do-wells can irritate their fellow subway riders by blasting movies. They don’t look half bad, either, on the Go Video DVD Boombox’s seven-inch, 16:9 LCD display. We just wish those kids would have some resepect for their elders and not watch their filthy stag flicks on the train!

Of course, Go Video DVD Boombox owers don’t necessarily have to use the DVD Boombox’s power for evil. We suppose it’d be good for playing leadership seminars on DVD at the church retreat, too. But we’ve never seen it happen.

Warranty: 90 Day Go Video

Features:

• 7” 16:9 LCD display to display DVDs, MP4 videos, or Photos
• Plays DVD, CD, CD-r/RW, and JPEG discs
• Plays MP4 video, MP3/WMA, JPEG photo from a USB device
• AM/FM Radio
• 2 microphone inputs
• Optical digital audio output
• Can be powered with a AC cord, or 8 “C” sized batteries (batteries not included )

In the box:

• Go Video YGBD707 DVD Boombox
• Remote Control
• Composite Video Cable
• AC Power Cable
• Users Guide

Hello, I’m an old man. My house smells like onions and wool. And I recommend you don’t buy today’s Everglide S-500 Professional Headphones. First of all, they say these phones sound great with music despite the fact that they were originally marketed for gaming. Music, bah. The stuff they listen to nowadays is like somebody’s put one of those zippered jackets in a dryer. It’s all booming and banging and somebody talking about butts for seven minutes. What ever happened to Wolfman Jack? He even had a cartoon show there for a while! It wasn’t so long ago, you remember it, right?

zzzzWhat? Oh, sorry, nodded off there. Let me tell you another thing about the Everglide S-500 Professional Headphones, they’ve got a frequency response of 20Hz to 20,000 Hz. Back when I was your age we were lucky to get one solitary frequency. We had AM, you know. I didn’t even get an 8-Track until after college! Try caring about The Five Inch Nails when you grew up with that inbetween stations! We didn’t need some ultra-light membrane or some over-sized circumaural leather muffs. Which reminds me, have you seen my wife? She was supposed to be bringing dinner.

That’s right, some people love each other enough to take care of each other! Not like that Madonna Cobain crap. That’s why people go out playing games at those arcades all hours of the day, because no one cares about them at home! You think you’d need a 3.5mm stereo plug for headphones or a 3.5mm plug for the included clip-on microphone otherwise? Optimum noise isolation? I call it optimum waste of time, is what I call it. Why can’t people just enjoy the public television broadcasts of Frankie Valli? My TV speakers still sound great. Or the great work Mike Love is doing with all those twenty year old backup musicians who work for The Beach Boys? Look at him up there, ready to fall over at any second. That’s excitement! You want excitement? You’re looking at it right there!

So put that Everglide S-500 Professional Headphones back in the included bag and stop pretending that you’re the next Johnny Unitas. I bought my son an Activation Home Video System once, you know, I read up on these things. I killed six of them Asteroids once, all by myself. I didn’t need headphones. I was drunk, too, whole time. Kids today.

• Ultra-Light Membrane for instantaneous audio response
• Designed For Comfort And Extended Wear
• Optimum noise isolation
• Over-sized circumaural leather muffs to reduce ambient noise
• Clip-on microphone and protective carrying bag included
• Great for gaming or music

Technical Specifications:

• Frequency Response: 20Hz – 20,000Hz
• Transducer: Dynamic
• Nominal Impedence: 16 ohm
• Max Sound Pressure (SPL): 102dB
• Max Power Rating: 100mW
• 3.5mm stereo plug for headphones
• 3.5mm plug for separate clip-on microphone (included)
• Headphone cable length: 3.1m
• Weight: 360g

Warranty: 90 Day Acer

Features:

• Processor: AMD Athlon 64 3500+ with HyperTransport Technology
• Processor Speed: 2.20GHz
• Processor Interface: AM2
• Memory: 512MB DDR2 533 (PC2-4200)
• Memory Slots (Total): 2
• Memory Slots (Available): 1
• Maximum Memory Supported: 2.0GB
• Hard Drive: 160GB 7,200RPM SATA
• Operating Systems: Genuine Windows Vista Home Basic
• Orientations Allowed: Vertical
• Form Factor: Mini
• Bays: 1 – 5.25” Slim/Slot Loading Drive Bay
• Internal Bays: 1 – 3.5” Drive Bays
• PCI Slots (Total): 1; Mini
• PCI Slots (Available): 0
• USB Ports: 6
• FireWire Ports: 1
• LAN Ports: 1
• Audio Out Jacks: 2
• Line In Jacks: 1
• Microphone Jacks: 2
• VGA Ports: 1
• DVI Video: 1

In the box:

• ASL 100-UAS350B Mini PC
• Acer USB Keyboard and Detachable Wristrest
• Acer Optical USB Mouse
• A/C Adapter with Power Cord
• USB to RJ11 Adapter
• RJ11 Phone Cord
• RJ45 Ethernet Cable
• Wireless Antenna
• Warranty Information Sheet

I am a nocturnal creature; daylight pains my sensitive eyes. My pallid skin is unaccustomed to the baking sun. Only enveloped in the shroud of darkness am I at home.

Nearly invisible, I prowl the shadows of Paragon City between dusk and dawn, wreaking terrible justice about the head, neck and shoulders of any who would prey upon the weak.

Bursts of illumination! Gunfire! The Outcasts! For a few short moments, my world lit by strobe. The deadly, chaotic tango of close-quarters combat unfolds in a confused cacophony of screams, small-arms fire and the sounds of breaking bone. I make short work of my attackers, and acquire an enhancement for my troubles.

Once again, all is darkness—except for the dim, green glow of my Razer Copperhead Gaming Mouse, painting once side of my face in cerulean chiaroscuro. I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the half-filled glass of Mr. Pibb that sits atop my PC tower, and smile a cruel smile.

The night belongs to StankFinger666! Leaping over a fence, I vanish from the scene without a trace.

Features:

• 2000 DPI Laser Engine Powered by Razer Precision
• 1000 Hz Ultrapolling with 1 ms response time as compared with 125Hz/8 ms response time used by other conventional gaming mice
• 32KB Onboard Memory Powered by Razer Synapse
• 7 independently programmable buttons optimized with Razer’s Hyperesponse technology for ultra tactile button feedback and maximum actions-per-minute (APM) game play
• Zero-Acoustic Ultraslick Teflon feet
• 16 bit data path, as compared to 8 bit and 12 bit data paths used by other conventional mice
• High speed motion detection, up to 45ips and 20g / Over 7080 frames per second
• Always-On mode pioneered by Razer – the laser engine sensor never powers down to provide instantaneous response at all times during game play
• Award winning Razer drivers featuring On-the-Fly Sensitivity DPI adjustment pioneered by Razer
• GlowPipe non-slip side rails
• Ergonomic ambidextrous design
• Ultra large non-slip rubber coated mouse buttons

Specifications:

• Optical Sensor: 2000 DPI Laser Engine
• On Board Memory: 32KB
• Response: 1000Hz Ultrapolling with 1ms Response Time
• Data Channel: 16bit
• Buttons: 7 Programmable
• Dimensions: 5.04” x 2.5” x 1.54” (L x W x H)
• OS Requirements: Windows 98SE/ME/2000/XP

You better step to this, boyee! You wanna walk your ghetto blaster down this block, you got to survive a boombox battle with the Ultra-Fly Funky Hype Crew. Here’s just a taste of our stupid fresh breaking moves…OK, I used to be able to do that a lot better. The old lower back ain’t what it used to be. But still, we bring the bad boomboxes, yo! What are you rocking? Some weak Debarge jam? Shalamar or something? Ha!

Check this: my boombox kicks Colors and Boyz N Tha Hood and Scarface and Beaches! That’s right: movies cold up in the joint, boyee! You better recognize the Go Video DVD TV All-in-One Home System – the home theater boombox with the 7” TFT LCD screen, DVD/CD player, cable-ready TV tuner, and AM/FM radio. You can’t hang, son! Now turn around and walk someplace else before the Ultra-Fly Funky Hype Crew devastates you with one of these butterfly kicks, like this…no, wait, more like this…alright, here it is…ah, hold on, I can do this…

Warranty: 90 Day Go Video

Features:

• 7-inch TFT True Color LCD display
• Full featured DVD player
• Digital AM/FM stereo radio with station presets
• Play DVD, CD, CD-R, CD-RW and JPEG discs
• Region 1
• Multi-Aspect 16:9, 4:3
• Cable ready TV tuner
• Dynamic stereo speakers
• NTSC/PAL compatible
• Multi-angle play and zoom functions
• Multi language on screen display
• Includes remote control

Speaker Features:

• Full response 4-inch speakers
• Impedance: 4 ohm
• 5-foot audio cable

Front Panel Features:

• LCD screen
• Function
• Standby
• Setup
• Volume up
• Volume down
• Mute
• Auto Program
• Pre Tuner/Play/Pause
• DVD/CD drawer
• Band/Stop
• Skip/Tune down
• Skip/Tune up
• Reverse/AD down
• Fast Forward/AD up

Rear Panel Features:

• Speaker jacks
• Coaxial
• TV/Antenna
• Video out
• Video in
• Audio L/R out
• Audio L/R in
• FM antenna
• AM antenna
• Y/Cb/Pb/CR/PR
• Built in power cord
• Power switch

Power Specifications:

• 120V, 60Hz, 80W

Unit Dimensions:

• 10×7 x 8.5-inches (H x W x D, approximate)

Speaker Dimensions:

• 10×5.5×7.5-inches (H x W x D, approximate)

Regulatory Approvals:

• cUL

In the box:

• Go Video YGHMD717DT 7-inch All-In-One Music and Movie System
• Two Speakers
• Instruction manual
• Remote control
• FM antenna cable
• Six Foot AV Cable

CONSUMER ALERT: This television receiver has only an analog broadcast tuner and will require a converter box after February 17, 2009 to receive over-the-air broadcasts with an antenna because of the U.S.'s transition to digital broadcasting. Analog-only TVs should continue to work as before with cable and satellite TV services, gaming consoles, VCRs, DVD players, and similar products. For more information, call the Federal Communications Commission at 1-888-225-5322 (TTY: 1-888-835-5322), or visit the commission's digital-television Web site at: www.dtv.gov.

You wake, but did you ever really sleep? From inside the Singularity, you reach a MindTendril to the SynthSelf that you feel most pleased regarding. It blinks as your NonCorp slides into place in the Enhanciflesh shell. Today is the big day, after all. It is May Fourth, 2032, and you’ve been meaning to get your Case Logic PVT-14 6” Flexible Tripod replaced before the 25 year warranty runs out.

Oh, it served your MeatSelf well over the years. The flexible joints let you get the best photos of the Drop In, that moment the beasts came from the skies. The government experiments on animals led to them developing the GalactiMind before humans. It was the war no one expected… and a war we almost lost.

You tune up a song on your iV, the new virtual player that exists everywhere and nowhere all at once. The day has you thinking about the past, and you’re in the mood for a little classic rock. DJ Shadow? Jay-Z? Maybe The Teenagers? You finally decide on Hannah Montana. It’s a nice distraction from the hovertrains. How can we still not have flying cars?

But why not walk, the weather nanites have made sure it’s a lovely day, and your SynthSelf’s CanciShield is working within optimum levels. Besides, you’ve almost forgotten how it felt to walk. Good thing the Case Logic PVT-14 6” Flexible Tripod is so lightweight. It was made to work with cameras of 9.7 ounces or less, and fits into a purse or pocket. There’s even a universal 1/4-20 screw for attaching cameras. And rubber feet for extra non-slip grip.

There’s the place now. Looks like they’ve just opened. Good thing you’ve still got your paperwork. After you won the NuPulitzer for your work in the field of Hortibiobotics you haven’t really been short on cash, but it’s the principle of the thing. You bought it under warranty, and so help you God II, you’re going to get it taken care of.

Warranty: 25 Year Case Logic

Features:

• Segmented leg design allows for flexible joints that can rotate 360 degrees
• Lightest and most versatile camera tripod available today
• Firmly secures your compact digital camera to virtually any surface
• Ideal camera accessory for photographers on the go
• Throw it in your pocket or backpack and you'll be ready for your next adventure
• Wrap it around a tree branch
• Hang it from a pole
• Perch it on a jagged rock
• Standard 1/4 diameter 20 thread count screw mount
• Designed for use with digital cameras weighing up to 9.7 ounces (275 grams)
• Rubber feet gives extra grip
• Weight: 1.6oz

In the box:

• Case Logic 6” Flexible Tripod