Thursday, December 20

Sean University: Tis the Season for Reason

by Sean Adams

In just a few days, you’ll wake up to find that some guy has snuck into your house and put a bunch of stuff under a tree in your living room. This is called “Christmas” and it’s pretty much everyone’s favorite day of the year. But not yours. No, as a student here at the Sean Adams University for Business Management Development Leadership, you need to realize that Santa’s business model is inherently flawed. Here are the reasons why:

1. His targeted demographic is too broad: Imagine you owned a pizza place. Who would be your ideal customer? A guy who likes pizza, right? Well, if Santa ran a pizza place the way he runs Christmas, he’d try to make pizzas for people who like pizza, pizzas for people who don’t like pizza, pizzas for people who cry when they see cheese, pizzas for people who don’t believe in circles, everyone! That’s just not a practical. You gotta narrow in on the exact demographics you want or else you risk diluting your brand.

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Tuesday, December 18

There Can Be Only Pun: Cat Christmas Carols

by Sean Adams

It seems like I face some new, frustrating dilemma almost every day. For a while, I tried to solve each one on my own, but I just can't do it anymore. I'm in over my head, and I need your help, Wooters! So, each week, I'm going to post a problem that I'm facing and you're going to help me solve it. But here's the catch: the solutions need to be puns. That's right: logic is secondary; puns are the primary goal here. I'll choose the best pun and announce it in next week's post.

THIS WEEK'S EPISODE: Cat Christmas Carols!

Tis the season to spread some cheer. And what better way than by going out caroling? But here's the thing: I don't just want to sing to people; I want my Christmas Carols to go viral, which means I need them to be about cats. Here's what I've come up with so far:

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