The wheel in the sky keeps on turning, and Steve Perry don't know where he'll be tomorrow. But you do, thanks to our resident all-orang seeicle Jason Toon, the star whisperer. Lean closer, now, and hark to your future…
You're adrift. Rudderless. Tossed hither and yon by forces beyond your ken. Take heart! The stars have opened their secrets to the all-seeing eye of Jason Toon, and he's here to lead you through the very specific events of the coming week…
Once again, the stars have whispered their secrets into the adept ear of our resident soothsayer, Jason Toon. What did they have to say? Read on as Jason translates for the oracularly impaired...
Peer with us now into the future… your future… the very specific future you share with hundreds of millions of people who happen to have been born during the same lunar month. Jason Toon once again exercises his gift to reveal the arcane minutiae hidden in the stars…
Our resident seer, mystic, and astrologer Jason Toon once again opens his oracular orifice and pushes out these highly refined visions of what the week holds in store for you. It's the horoscope that would rather be specific than merely correct!...
Once again, Jason Toon peers through the haze of the miasma of murky obscurity into your very specific future. Hark to his visions of your tomorrow! And your Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday!
What does this week hold in store for you? If you're looking for broadside bromides about chasing your dreams, there are a million phony fortune-tellers out there. But our resident augurer Jason Toon puts the "clarity" in "clairvoyanty". If you are prepared to peer into your future, read on for horoscopes so specific, they're literally unbelievable…
You can tell a sham astrologer by the vague one-size-fits-all generalities they dispense. One who can actually read the stars will be far more interested in being specific than in merely being right. Our own Jason Toon is the seer who won't cop out. Forget the hazy visions of the astro-phonies - Jason says the sooths you can use.
