How Not To Get Ahead In Advertising
Want to destroy your online reputation AND earn literally pennies through dull, thankless tedium? Woot seeks tireless, gullible fans naive enough to believe that a life of luxury can be theirs just for posting a few advertising links. Some people call it an affiliate program – we call it Woot Minions!
We've been told this kind of advertising might bring us new customers. We'll see. For the Woot Minions themselves, we promise only a lot of aggravation for very little payoff. So why should you bother? We have no idea. Ask all those people who've been begging us to do this. Maybe they know.
Get the pointless hassle started now with these frustrating steps!
Submit To Our Judgement
Fill out the application here. You might be wasting your time by even applying. But hey, if you had anything better to do, you wouldn't be signing up for online affiliate advertising programs!
Now post our links
Got a blog, weblog, vlog, moblog, mommyblog, blawg, or microblog? Deface it with links to our low-conversion specials. Expect this worthless - but free! - content to provoke a few angry messages from your loyal readers, but most will quietly stop paying any attention to you. If they're not making you any money, who needs 'em?
Whew, That Was A Close One
You dodged a bullet there, friend. In a few weeks, when the Internet is ablaze with complaints by disappointed Woot Minions, you'll realize this loss was actually a win. Congratulations!
Let The Cash Roll In!
Prepare to be severely underwhelmed as your piddling income potential as a Woot Minion becomes clear. Truly diligent Woot Minions can perhaps look forward to buying extra cheese on their next Quarter Pounder. If you're disappointed, well, nobody put a gun to your head.
...Only To Perhaps See It All Taken Away
Don't go borrowing from any loansharks if you're planning to pay it back from your extravagant Woot Minions income. We reserve the right to change the rules, or end this whole program, at any time, for any reasons, for everybody or just for you. Called it.
That's all it takes to start living the Woot Minion lifestyle (aside from several mysterious stipulations we've hidden under a pile of jargon in the User Agreement). Can YOU afford to miss out on the Internet's least exciting, slowest-growing advertising revenue opportunity? Of course you can!