It's either this or burn off your retinas. Your call, birthday boy.
Remember when you went to those grade school birthday parties and they’d give out those neon plastic sunglasses? Oh man, you thought you were SO COOL! Turns out you were cool, but not smart. Those things can’t protect your eyes from things like laser beams and harmful sun rays, but these shades can! Protect your eyes from the sun, that is. We just made that whole laser beam stuff up. (shrugs)