Astroglide Water Based Lube (4oz), Ultra Gentle

Listen. I don’t know what kind of mad scientists are working over at Astroglide HQ, but they’ve cracked the code. This stuff is so smooth, I’m pretty sure it was reverse-engineered from alien technology or extracted from the tear ducts of angels. I bought the 4 oz bottle thinking, “This’ll last a while.” Spoiler: It didn’t. Not because it’s small—because it’s so dang effective that I started using it for everything. • Squeaky door hinge? Astroglide. • Tight ring stuck on my finger? Astroglide. • Slide down a Slip ’N Slide like a greased otter? Astroglide. It’s water-based, non-sticky, doesn’t stain, and feels like liquid silk whispered into existence by a gentle god. The cap is discreet, the bottle is travel-sized, and if someone finds it in your bag, just tell them it’s “performance-enhancing serum.” No lies detected.