Scott ComfortPlus Toilet Paper, 12 Double Rolls

Mon Dieu… Never in all my days tilling the earth and milking the goats have I known such luxury. I am but a simple man—Jean-Claude, peasant of the South, where the sun bakes the vineyards and life is... how do you say... crusty. My days are long, my hands are calloused, and before Scott Toilet Paper entered my life, my derrière suffered greatly. Oh, the horrors of rough burlap, dry corn husks, or, Dieu pardonne, nothing at all! But then came Scott. A roll of it was given to me by a traveling merchant who mistook me for someone with money. I did not correct him. That night, under the moonlight, I took the roll into my modest outhouse, and what happened next changed me forever. Soft? It was like wiping with the clouds that cradle the heavens. Strong? Oui! Like the ox I use to plow my fields. And the length! Sacré bleu, it just kept going! A single roll lasted longer than my cousin Henri’s second marriage. The texture was gentle, yet firm—like the embrace of my dear Maman after a hard day. And the sheets tore with such grace, such precision... it was as if angels themselves were guiding my hand. Now, each morning, I rise with joy, for I know that whatever hardships the day may bring—mud, manure, or an unfortunate amount of cheese—I will always have Scott Toilet Paper to look forward to. It is my daily miracle. Thank you, Scott. You have elevated my humble bottom to noble status. Vive le papier toilette! Vive Scott!