Completely Unfair Comparisons: We Have Returned

by Sean Adams

There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. A Thin Layer of Wax vs. Lava in terms of Doing a Triathlon

Lava can be great for training purposes when it comes to the bike or the run – nothing inspires you to go faster like turning around and seeing a bunch of lava – but for the swim, it could prove detrimental. Think about it: lava is liquid rock, and a fear of liquids is not what you need to dive right into whatever body of water you have to doggy-paddle across. On the other hand, a thin layer of wax could be just what you need. Just coat the bottom of your foot and bam! You’re protected from the harsh surface of the road, path, or peddle without wasting valuable time ripping off a pair of shoes before you jump in the water.

Advantage:

A Thin Layer of Wax
 
2. A Saucepan vs. That Feeling like You Forgot Something when You Leave to go on Vacation in terms of Art

Do saucepans ever inspire filmmakers to make works of art? No. How about that feeling like you forgot something when you leave to go on vacation? Any exemplary pieces of cinema based on that? Case = rested.

Advantage:

That Feeling like You Forgot Something when You Leave to go on Vacation

3. Helium vs. A Pretzel from the Mall in terms of Waking Someone Up

Helium will make your voice sound silly and cartoonish, but it’ll also make you feel light headed. So, if the high pitch provided by the first inhalation isn’t enough to wake the slumberer, you’re in a whole pile of trouble, because now you run the risk of putting yourself out of consciousness, and after that, there’s basically no chance you’ll be able to wake someone else. No, a pretzel from the mall is the better waker. After all, that smell can penetrate and/or dispel just about anything – bad moods, health concerns, etc. – so surely it’ll be enough to wake someone.

Advantage:
A Pretzel from the Mall
 

Now, what you've all been waiting for: the Rebuttal of the Week from last week's comparisons goes to user dpostman, who argued the virtues of a twin over a headband for playing darts:

How could the headband win? An identical twin dartner would definitely be more of an advantage. The twin could buy a round of "Aiming Fluid", what you non-professionals refer to as beer. And if the twin were to open a tab, you can get all the aiming fluid you want and say just put it on my tab, what can be more fun than that?

You too could get your comment up in pixels on the Woot blog! All you need to do is argue with one of the above comparisons in the comment section below. So, go ahead. Let me have it!

"I'm melting! Melting!" by flickr user, ankakay; "luggage" by flickr user, sun dazed; "Soft Pretzel" by flickr user, BarbaraLN. All used under a Creative Commons License.