We’re going to be okay! I saw something like this in a movie once!

I know we’re all a little upset over this whole “plane plummeting to our doom” business, especially with the inexcusable lack of parachutes on this particular aircraft, but everything is going to be fine! I have some experience watching people survive this very thing in several favorite movies of mine! Just follow me lead and we’ll not only make it out of this alive, but we’ll have a rollicking adventure to boot!

Okay, so as near as I can tell, there isn’t a life raft in the plane. No worries! I just happen to have a Cohesion 9” Full Air Bed in my carry-on. Once I dig that out and activate the built-in air pump, we’ll all need to pile on the flocked surface, hold on tight, and free-fall out of the emergency exit! And that’s only the beginning!

Now I can see by the look you guys are giving me that you have some doubts. Seriously, when have Spielberg and Lucas ever lied to us? Oh, and Ms. McGillicuddy? You’ll be my designated love interest until we return the magic stones to whatever ancient tribe we… Huh? What do you mean we’re flying over the Pacific? Well crap, I guess I’m out of ideas then.

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