I know it seems like a great gift for a mad scientist, but I’ve got so much stuff like this already.

There are a lot of things I could use around the lab. A nice Matisse print. A trashcan where the pedal/lid mechanism doesn’t break after six months. Oooh, or an Internet-enabled radio, that would be awesome.

What I don’t need is one more thing that shoots streams of electricity while I hold it and cackle ominously about world domination. I’m pretty well taken care of in that department without the Dream Cheeky USB Plasma Ball.

I know people mean well. But it just goes to show how little they really know me. They just think, hey, mad scientist, let’s get him something mad sciency. It’d be like taking a baseball player to the ballgame for his birthday. That’s the last thing he’ll want to do on his day off, and he probably gets free tickets anyway.

Oh, hey, baseball tickets, that’s another gift I wouldn’t mind getting. I don’t know much about the game but at least it would get me out of this underground compound for a few hours. All playing God and no play makes Jack a dull mad scientist.

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