Man's best friend? Not exactly. Maybe if you could teach it play dead when it's time to clean house, though.

Johnny, I'll miss Scraps just as much as you will. Actually, no, that's not true. He shed a lot and liked to mess the carpet, and that frustrated Daddy. But hey, I've moved on, and that means you can, too.

Now I know you're sad, but do you think Scraps would want you to be sad? No, of course not. He wouldn't want you moping and feeling down. He'd want you laughing, playing, and enjoying yourself just as much as when he was here fetching sticks and chasing frisbees! And tearing up Daddy's newspaper. And rooting through the trash to eat things he wasn't supposed to, only to throw up on the floor next to Daddy's bed. Heh. Good times.

Anyway, don't you think it would make Scraps happy knowing you had a ​new​ best friend? Well, guess what? Daddy got you one! That's right. Daddy bought a DC23 Canister Vacuum just for you!

Huh. I really thought you'd be more excited. Well, score one for your mother. She was right on this one.

Aw, Johnny, you're just not thinking right about this. Yes. Sure, this vacuum isn't a puppy. That's because it's ​better​ than any old puppy! Puppies don't have efficient Level 3 Root Cyclone™ technology, do they? They don't have suction control or Turbinehead air driven brush bars. Heck, puppies give some people allergies, while this vacuum has a lifetime washable HEPA filter that traps allergens from ever reaching your lungs!

Just think, no more waking up early to walk the dog when it's really hot or cold outside. This "puppy" has a hygienic, easy to empty dirt bin you can empty right into the trash! Hugging it or having it sit in your lap isn't really recommenced, though. But you take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both, and there you have... something. I heard it in a theme song. Bottom line? It won't run out into traffic and break your heart like some​ pets I know of. Or knew of. Whichever.

Now I bet you're new best friend is hungry! Why don't the two of you run along, and you can feed him all the hard to get to dirt and pet hair from the crevices on the stairs. Oh, and don't forget the dust on the ceiling fans. That's a good boy.

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