Nobody ever walks into an ice cream parlor and asks for two scoops with extra glycerol monostearate. Nobody ever says “This banana split would be really good with a little more methylcellulose.” And although we don’t know exactly what locust bean gum is, we know we don’t want it anywhere near our mouths.

But with every spoonful of mass-market ice cream you gulp down, you’re ingesting scary-sounding, polysyllabic additives like these. Unless you’re hoping to keep your corpse from decomposing, you don’t need them. The Hamilton Beach 4 Quart Capacity Ice Cream Maker helps you circumvent the creamery-industrial complex with your own homebrew sherbet, frozen yogurt, and ice cream. Unlike the hand-operated cream-crankers of yore, it requires very little physical effort on your part, so you can store up those valuable calories for the long winter ahead.

Maybe you don’t care about the insidious creep of polysorbate 80 and sodium citrate into your organs. Maybe you just feel like 31 flavors isn’t enough. Maybe you’re tired of getting funny looks from your fellow parlor patrons when you mix lima beans or pork rinds into your sundae. The Hamilton Beach 4 Quart Capacity Ice Cream Maker isn’t here to judge you. Its range of possible ingredients is limited only by the parameters of quantum mechanics and the strength of your stomach. And as an edible medium for your frustrated creativity, ice cream is way better than spam sculptures of Battlestar Galactica characters.

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