We’re having so much fun being lazy reading these old write-ups that we’ve decided to share them with you through the end of our 10th birthday month! Check out this refurb- uh, classic.

You jWIN Some, You jLOSE Some (October 2006): Dr. Lindare peered into Patient X’s room in wonderment. So it was true: The hospital’s most intriguing anonymous patient, found unconscious in 1975 and comatose ever since, had awakened. The heavy-set man with the bulldog face was currently gumming applesauce from a plastic spoon. Any major emotional shock could put Patient X at serious risk of relapse, so hospital staff had been careful not to tell him what year it was. When he began talking about someone named “Tony Pro” and became visibly agitated, a nurse would deftly inject a syringe full of sedatives to calm the man. Dr. Lindare thought the time was right for Patient X to take his first halting steps toward awareness of the world outside. He took a deep breath, looked at the jWIN JX-H77 AM/FM Radio Sports Headphones in his hand, and stepped into the room.

“Good morning,” Lindare gently greeted Patient X. “You’ve had quite a rest.”

“It’s nothing compared to the big sleep Tony Pro’s gonna get once I get out of here,” Patient X scoffed. “Speaking of which, Doc, when am I free to go? My locals ain’t gonna run themselves.”

Lindare smiled indulgently. Clearly, the man was still confused, talking gibberish. “Soon enough, soon enough. But first, tell me: do you know what this is?” He handed Patient X the jWIN JX-H77 AM/FM Radio Sports Headphones. The man looked them over briefly, puzzled.

“Hmmm. I guess they look like some kinda headphones, like you’d plug into a stereo or something,” Patient X replied. “These parts go in your ears, right? But somebody went and cut the plug offa them.”

“What if I told you,” the doctor asked, “that these headphones actually had an AM/FM radio built into them? That you didn’t need to plug them into anything to receive radio transmissions, and that you could control the volume and the station with these knobs here? What would you think of that?”

“You serious, Doc?” Patient X said. “Like a transistor radio, but headphone-shaped?”

Dr. Lindare nodded. “That’s right. And what if I told you you could buy not one, but two pairs of these radio headphones for just seven bucks, plus five bucks shipping?”

After a pause, Patient X’s face relaxed into a smile. “I’d say you’re pulling my leg, Doc. That’s like something outta The Jetsons. Gimme a little credit here – I may have been out cold for a while, but I ain’t dumb.”

In response, Lindare put on the headphones himself, tuned them to a hip-hop station, and handed them to Patient X. “Try them yourself. Go on, put them on. They won’t hurt you.”

Thinking back later, Dr. Lindare couldn’t be sure if it was the phat, thumping beats or the shock of the futuristic headphones themselves that had done Patient X in. He signed the order consigning the unfortunate man’s body to the research program and wondered briefly if Patient X had any family or friends, if anybody out there was looking for him. But that thought was soon gone, replaced by musings on the golf game Lindare had planned for the coming weekend.

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