Bag O’ Crap XXXVIII: Can You Believe This Ship?

Your three dollars get you three craps – and your million dollars for shipping gets you a personal crap delivery from our CEO.

He’ll land in your front yard or on the roof of your apartment building in an AH-64 Apache helicopter and kneel before you to present your crap on a pillow woven from threads of pure platinum and stuffed with manatee whiskers, to fanfare from an 84-piece mariachi orchestra. If there’s a better way to spend a million dollars, we hope you don’t think of it.

Of course, that may seem extravagant to those of you of more limited means. So for a mere $350,000, we’ll hire the most beautiful skydivers we can find of the gender of your choice to parachute down to you with the crap concealed somewhere on their bodies. You’ll have to search them for it. Whatever you find is yours. And take as long as you want – you paid for it. Just enter the coupon code BODYCAVITY when you check out.

If your budget doesn’t permit that, we do offer another choice. A troupe of authentic circus freaks will parade before you in a grotesque pageant of human oddity and pathos, each adding one more piece of crap to your pile as you contemplate the infinite variety of creation. Just don’t call Barba the Bearded Lady “sir”. She’ll mess you up bad, no problem. You can receive your crap via this method by entering the coupon code GABBAGABBA. Shipping charge: $100,000.

True bargain-chasers might prefer a more no-frills alternative. For just $15,000, we’ll arrange an authentic Bedouin-style feast in your home, with your crap stuffed inside the traditional main dish, a whole roasted camel. Vegetarian options available upon request. For this shipping method, enter the tasty coupon code CAMEL.

Of course, if you're the average Wooter, you're more of the frugal type who might find an even better shipping deal. The kind of deal you only discover when you're slow and methodical. The kind that goes to the sort of person who never comes out of their shell. And maybe will be afraid of salt. There's got to be some kind of coupon code for those types.

However you choose to receive it, the world-famous Woot Bag o’ Crap is sure to provide all the disappointment and regret Woot is known for.

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Features

THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v3.0

I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond ONE bag of some kind and THREE crappy items.

II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours.

III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.

IV. Thou shalt not expect better crap just because things are different this time. Crap is crap.

V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.

 

Wootcast
April Fool's, Ha Ha

Specs

Random Crap

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
59m 58.000s
First Sucker:
dadave
Last Wooter to Woot:
birdboy06

Purchaser Experience

  • 5% first woot
  • 5% second woot
  • 30% < 10 woots
  • 28% < 25 woots
  • 31% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 2% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 1% one month old
  • 18% one year old
  • 79% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 100% bought 1

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

21%
1%
1%
1%
0%
0%
0%
0%
1%
3%
1%
1%
2%
1%
10%
19%
23%
6%
1%
1%
3%
1%
0%
1%
12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

2%
11%
30%
30%
20%
4%
2%
Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

Top Comments

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Top Comments are discussion forum posts we have deemed worthy of your time. Listen, we get a lot of comments, and most of the time, it's pretty forgettable stuff; but sometimes you rise to the top like butterfat in milk. We don't recommend you base your self-worth on how often we feature your comments, but we don't expressly forbid it either.

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Random Crap
$3.00 Sold Out
$3.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1
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4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.