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Faith is the thing that keeps you going. Faith in the face of adversity. Faith that someone, somewhere, up on high, has this whole thing figured out.
Sadly, only a select few of you faithful are going to be getting one of these crappy little offerings delivered to you. But that’s part of the plan, as well. Everybody knows you can’t have free will without suffering.
See? You come for the bargains, you stay for the theology. We’re your one stop lifestyle shop. Now step away from the golden calf and read this:
THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v3.0
I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond ONE bag of some kind and THREE crappy items.
II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours.
III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.
IV. Thou shalt not expect better crap just because things are different this time. Crap is crap.
V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.
The crap will be shipped via SmartPost, the crappiest shipping method available to us.
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