Quarrels between families are insignificant when love is the number one answer.

Your hand lingers a bit after touching that of the lovely Harriet Spencer, member of the clan that has become your family’s obstacle on the road to the Fast Money Round. Ever since her face was revealed at the beginning of the show, you’ve been distracted by her beauty and charm, so much so that you’ve been accumulating strike after strike with your incorrect answers. Now, you are about to Face Off for control of the round that could decide whether your team will move on to win the money grandma needs for her operation or if she won’t live to see it air on syndicated television.

The Man Who Is Not Richard Dawson And Never Will Be makes a painful joke, then says, “We surveyed 100 people, top 5 answers are on the board, here’s the question. Name something you’d use to sync wirelessly to your Bluetooth 2.0 phone that also features two microphones, 20dB noise and echo cancellation, up to 11 hours of talk time, AND a 3.5mm Standard line-in cable for most standard MP3 players.”

SLAP! You hit the plunger with lightning speed. Pseudo-Dawson says your name. Time stops. Your heart races. It’s now or never. Open your mouth, buddy. Tell her.

“Harriet, come away with me. Let’s leave this silly feud to those who have never known the joy of true love and start our own family far away from the audiences and the big board and everything. Together, perhaps we will find the password to a life of happiness where the wheel of fortune always spins in our favor, a place where there is no jeopardy and the right price is always our hearts.”

A stunned silence falls over the studio, broken five seconds later by one lone audience member who bursts into applause and screams “Good answer” and the horrid razzing of the strike buzzer.

Pseudo-Dawson turns his attention to your soul-mate. “Harriet?”

She pauses for just a moment, never breaking your shared gaze, before answering, “I’m going to say the Samsung Bluetooth Stereo Headset.”

If it’s there, her family will win control of the board and you will lose the respect of your family and the co-workers who will play the YouTube clip of your heart’s folly over and over again in the office lunch room. Survey says?

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