It’s one dress away from being THE CREEPIEST THING EVER.

You want to get rid of an annoying boyfriend? Want to chase away a horrible girlfriend? Want to do it in a way that lets you off the hook? All you need is a scary movie and a Sunbeam 1500 Watt Supreme Garment Steamer. Set it up and in just 45 seconds you’ll get

ONE AND A HALF HOURS OF CONTINUOUS STEAM

. That’s more steam than your average 80s video, and that’s certainly enough to be creepy.

There’s not a significant other in the world who won’t leave you after “Honey, do you hear that hiss?” turns into “OH GOD THERE’S SOMEONE IN THE BEDROOM” turns into “Ha, ha, I was just using my Sunbeam 1500 Watt Supreme Garment Steamer to fool you. Good stuff, right? Hey, let’s make out.” They’ll be right out the door cursing you, and you’ll be able to play the victim! Not to mention, when you hit the dating scene again, you’ll be stylish and wrinkle free.

Yes, the Sunbeam 1500 Watt Supreme Garment Steamer is also good for people who love their partners, but those people don’t desperately need our help. We’re here for the squeaky wheels. No need to thank us.

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