USB Stuff

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Brave-ish New World

The future is here! This is tomorrow! It’s perfect! It’s paradise! And it all plugs in to USB!

At last! This is the glorious techno-utopia we dreamed would one day arrive! The home computer, once merely a thing to play solitaire and write term papers on, is now at the center of a rich, modern lifestyle where pleasure is limitless, gratification is instantaneous, and cats can play the piano!

Anything you can dream of, your computer can do! And if it can’t, there’s probably a USB device for it! Take a look at these new and upcoming life-embettering doo-dads! They represent only a tiny sample of the infinite bounty that spews from the fulsome cornucopia of progress!

  • The USB Mug Chiller/Warmer
    No longer must mankind suffer the hardship of warm drinks that are too cold—nor cold drinks that are too warm! This durable, compact monument to the feebleness of the human organism draws power from any available USB port—and uses it to create 100% pure luxury! AVAILABLE NOW!
  • The USB Rolling Pencil
    Crafted to look just like an actual pencil, this device’s internal gyroscopes make it roll back and forth on your desk, creating the soothing, illusory sensation of being on a ship at sea! You’ll almost feel the motion of the waves as the Rolling Pencil clatters from one side of your desk to the other, and back! Note: the USB Rolling Pencil is an ambience enhancer only; it does not write. COMING SOON!
  • The USB Mini Tower
    What hath science wrought! The “Mini Tower” is a cooling fan, an air purifier, and a convenient light, all in one! Someday soon, everyone on Earth will have one of these, and the combined air purification effect of all of them running simultaneously will reverse air pollution forever! Yes, we’re certain that’s how it would work. For a cooler breeze, fill the included bottle with ice water, and wonder how our species survived all those years before inventing this! AVAILABLE NOW!
  • The USB Pepper Mill
    At the touch of a button, this pepper mill springs to life, asking “would you like some fresh-ground pepper?” in one of four selectable regional accents! Click your mouse to indicate “yes please” or “no, thank you,” and the USB mill grinds out some delicious, aromatic pepper! Or doesn’t, as per your instructions! COMING SOON!
  • The USB Desktop Mini Paper Shredder
    Early computer users naively fantasized about a “paperless” world, in which digital copies would replace hard copies of all kinds of documents. How silly! Today’s computer user not only knows the value of printing pages from the web, but also the satisfaction of shredding them, almost immediately, with this USB-powered mini shredder! A perfect synthesis of ostentatious consumption and groundless paranoia! AVAILABLE NOW!
  • The USB TootXQzer
    The TootXQzer is a USB-powered sonic emulator that can be programmed to make a wide variety of noises, either at random intervals or on command, that sound a bit like flatulence, but not exactly! Don’t blame your next involuntary release on a squeaky chair—use the TootXQzer! COMING SOON!
  • The Lighted USB Mini Speaker Tower
    Inhabit a vivid soundscape in this little speaker’s line of fire! With dials for controlling the treble, bass, and volume, you can customize the noise with which you irritate your coworkers or roommates! AVAILABLE NOW!
  • The USB Fan Light & Hub
    For the USB device user who has everything, it’s a fan, a light, and four more USB ports! With the FL&H, a gizmophile never has to choose between several equally pointless devices—he can use them all at once! Its toggle switch lets you choose whether to run the fan, the light, neither or both, so you’re ready for anything! As long as “anything” only means “still air, and/or a dim room.” AVAILABLE NOW!
  • The USB Aquarium Heater (coming soon!)
    Maintain your tropical fish tank at the appropriate temperature while you email! Powered by any available USB port, this waterproof heater keeps tanks of up to 20 gallons within the optimum range for healthy fish! COMING SOON!

Truly, this is a charmed age, and we are fortunate to live in it! After centuries of tribulation, technology has vanquished human suffering forever! Gaze in wonder at these fruits from the tree of knowledge! Mark well that it was our generation which harvested them! Remember this period forever, for you will tell your children—and their children—that you were among the last of our species ever to drink a beverage at any temperature other than its ideal one! They’ll barely understand! Theirs will be an entirely new existence! Aye, from this point forward, there will be naught but total comfort!

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Warranty: 90 Day Excalibur

  • Yes, they work with Macs.

Excalibur 601 USB Mug Chiller/Warmer Features:

  • Keeps your favorite beverage hot or cold
  • USB device plugs into your computer port to supply power
  • Built in cooling fan
  • Easy On/Off control switch
  • Durable, compact design
  • Compatible with any computer that has a USB port

Excalibur 446-447 USB Fan Light & Hub Features:

  • Simply connect the 4 port hub to your computer and you can use an additional 4 USB devices with your computer
  • Ideal if you need an extra USB port for a printer, mouse, keyboard, or digital camera
  • USB Hub supports 1 up stream and 4 downstream ports
  • Complies with USB 1.1 specifications
  • 12Mbps support speed
  • USB Fan/Light can convert a laptop into a cool air source
  • Flexible but sturdy neck allows you to position the fan nearly anywhere you want
  • Illuminate your keyboard or papers in the dark with out disturbing anyone
  • Toggle switch allows you to only have the fan on, have the fan and light on, or just the light on

Excalibur 613 USB Mini Tower Features:

  • A cooling fan, air purifier, and light, all-in-one
  • Fill the included bottle with ice water for a cool breeze
  • Conveniently plugs into your computer’s USB connection to supply power
  • Compatible with any computer that has a USB port

Excalibur 615 USB Desktop MiniPaper Shredder Features:

  • Shred documents right from your desktop
  • Control switch for On/Reverse/Off
  • Conveniently plugs into your computer’s USB connection to supply power
  • Compatible with any computer that has a USB port

Excalibur 629 Lighted USB MiniSpeaker Tower Features:

  • Add a crisp, vivid, speaker to your desktop
  • Uses a 3.5mm mini jack to supply sound
  • Treble, Bass, and volume control dials
  • Conveniently plugs into your computer’s USB connection to supply power
  • Compatible with any computer that has a USB port

In the box:

  • One Excalibur USB Device


Excalibur USB Device

Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 3.444s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 6% first woot
  • 6% second woot
  • 31% < 10 woots
  • 27% < 25 woots
  • 30% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 2% joined today
  • 3% one week old
  • 2% one month old
  • 32% one year old
  • 62% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 45% bought 1
  • 23% bought 2
  • 33% bought 3

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Woots by State

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USB Stuff
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$3.99 USD false 1 Retail EA
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