ATTN: ALL STAFF: The following are some clarifications regarding the new Microsoft Notebook Cooling Base you all were recently assigned:

1: Though inter-office competition is certainly an acceptable way to increase productivity and keep spirits high, it has come to my attention that currently there are games of “freeze tag” that last between three to six (3 – 6) hours of the day. Effective immediately, the Microsoft Notebook Cooling Base is no longer to be considered a “base” for purposes of any sort of tag, including, but not limited to, “freeze” and “TV” and beyond. The Microsoft Notebook Cooling Base is to be considered a base for LAPTOPS ONLY and all freeze tag events must now be cleared at least two weeks in advance, and in writing.

2: There are many colors of the Microsoft Notebook Cooling Base, and they all work the same. Claiming that you have to have a blue one because “That’s how it was in Avatar” is both inappropriate and unacceptable, as well as being disruptive to the office environment. To clarify, although the Microsoft Notebook Cooling Base does have a built-in stand to make height adjustments to offer additional comfort, this is not in any way considered to be “3-D” and all colors share the exact same features equally.

3: The Microsoft Notebook Cooling Base does direct heat from your notebook computer when on your desk or on your lap, and a quick 90 turn lets you access either design with ease. This is NOT an invitation to work from the bathroom stalls. Employees found taking company property into the bathrooms will face disciplinary action and be forced to take a seven hour course on office sanitation. DON’T BE GROSS.

4: Please be aware the Microsoft Notebook Cooling Base’s cable management clip will keep computer cables out of the way, but cannot be counted on to pay your cable bill on time. Sadly I found this out the hard way. Incidentally, I’ll be out this coming Thursday to allow the cable guy to reactivate my account, so please initial and return this memo to my office before 4:30pm today.

Warmest,
Louise in Corporate

Back to top