Ladies love a man who’s well-endowed with bright, convenient mobile lighting.

“Hey, those flashlights you borrowed me the other day? Useless.”

“First, you numbskull, you ‘borrowed’ them. I ‘loaned’ them. Second, whaddya mean, useless?”

“I mean they did nothing for me. Zip. Zero. Nada.”

“OK, did you put two fresh D batteries (sold separately) in each one?”

“What are you, a commercial? ‘Sold separately’? What is that? Anyway, yeah, they got new batteries in them, for whatever that’s worth.”

“Did you notice any cracks in the casing? Anything like that?”

“Cracks? Of course not. They’re made of that analyzed aluminum. That stuff don’t break.”

“Do you think maybe the bulbs are burned out?”

“How should I know? Who do I look like, Reddy Kilogram?”

“Well, I don’t know any other reason why they wouldn’t light up.”

“Light up? Who said anything about ‘light up’? I never even turned them on.”

“But… you said… wait, what are we talking about?”

“I’m talking about before I hit the clubs last night, I put them down my pants to make myself, you know, a little more appealing to the ladies. Not so much as a nibble. ‘Less you count the one who pepper-sprayed me.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard.”

“Whaddya mean? You don’t ever boost your confidence with a little, you know, enhancement?”

“I mean you’re only supposed to use one at a time. Both of ‘em at once, you’ll look like some kinda mutant. The Man With Two-”

“Yeah, yeah. OK. I get it.”

“Anyway, can I have those back or what?”

“Uh, just one of ‘em. Lemme hang on to this other for a couple days, huh?”

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