I’ve been with a lot of different headphones, sweetheart. Just what makes you so different?

A snug fit and a sliding adjuster cable? Eh. I’ve heard that before. Superior sound with enhanced deep bass? Must be nice for you. I’ll admit, your electric styling is very attractive, but it’s going to take more than a 6-Piece fit kit with silicone tips for any ear to win my heart.

I need commitment, you understand? I want headphones that are in it for more than just plugging into an MP3 player or smartphone and enjoying daily high-quality sound performance. I need to know I can find you when I need you, that you’re not going to get tangled up in someone else’s pocket, and that you’re not going to just run off under the couch when things get rough.

I’m sorry to be this way, but I can’t take the chance of losing another set of headphones to depression and a washing machine. I’m really fragile right now. Let’s keep the volume down until we’ve had more time to get to know each other, okay?

Back to top