Hello there, desk clerk! Remember me? I’m here to pick up the earphones I dropped off 29 days, 23 hours, and 53 minutes ago.

Now according to your policy, if no one has picked up Altec Lansing Muzx Pink Flowers and Crystals Earphones I found on the floor here in your fine establishment, I can claim them for my own, correct? Excellent. Well I can pretty much guarantee the previous owner won’t be coming. I’m sorry? No, no, it’s nothing for you to concern yourself with, good man. This isn’t my blood.

Anyway, here’s the slip of paper stating that I turned them in. If you have any trouble locating them, just remember they’re the ones with the powerful 9mm neodymium speakers and SnugFit comfort design. The stylish crystal and silver detailing will be a dead giveaway. And, if you think about it, I was hoping you might spare a paper towel so that I could wipe up and…

“DON’T YOU DARE HAND HIM MY WHIMSICALLY PRETTY EARPHONES!”

Wha? No. NO! You’re supposed to be dead! I checked your pulse myself! I KILLED YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS AND LEFT YOU IN MY BASEMENT!

“FOOL! Not even Death itself could keep me from that which is rightfully mine. Desk clerk, I demand you hand those Altec Lansing Muzx Pink Flowers and Crystals Earphones to me this instant. And as for you, you wretch, store security would like to have a word. Guards! Seize him!”

Back to top