The last time I saw, Johnny? Oh, man. I’ll never forget it.

Me and Susie, we were coming home from the sock hop. We were runnin’ a little close to curfew, so we try to take a shortcut, you know? So we wouldn’t get in trouble with her folks and all.

We take a turn down this alley and, wouldn’t you know, we end up on some street we’ve never been on before on The Wrong Side Of Town. Suze, she starts gettin’ all scared and stuff. Okay, maybe it was me, but either way, we both knew we’re in trouble.

That’s when we saw ‘em. The Apple Gang. Came outta nowhere, I tell you. Musta been fifteen, maybe thirty of ‘em, all trying to push their apps on us. “Hey, buddy. Looks like your lady friend could use a twitter app, buddy. I bet she’d tweet real good with one, HAR HAR HAR.” They’ve got us surrounded, right? We just knew that was it. We were done for.

Suddenly, we hear this laugh. Everyone turns their heads and there’s this guy standin’ in the distance all cool against an alley wall. “You punks and your apps,” he says to ‘em. “Don’t you know those apps just make you lazy? And a lazy punk? Well, that’s the worst punk of all.”

“Says who?” one of the gang asked.

“Says Johnny Craze, that’s who. I’m a fightin’ machine with 8GB of music for blood. Now, if it’s a fight you want, how’s about you leave those two alone and try a guy who doesn’t need a crutch like apps to get through his day?”

Oh, they came after him, alright. Pounced on him like my Aunt Martha’s cat on a ball of yarn. Johnny, though, he whipped every last one of ‘em! It had to be all that music inside of him. 8GB of songs, man, it sure did pack a wallop. He even hit a few of ‘em with an FM Tuner karate chop. Most amazing thing I ever saw!

When it was over, Johnny, well, he just stands there a minute. Then, he looks up at us, smiles, and just walks away without a word.

I never forgot that day. I never forgot what he taught me, either. Not every man needs apps, my friend. Everyone, though, needs a good MP3 player at a reasonable price. Something like that, anyway. Hey, it was a long time ago, alright?

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