One upon a time there was a sweet old man with no children, because he worked with computers. And so, he decided to make himself an heir.

With his computer know-how, he built a tiny little Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man, and plugged him into the USB port to fill him with information. But the moment he was full, the Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man jumped up, and yelled “I know it all know, understand? You can’t correct me, I’m the Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man!”

The sweet old man was so surprised! He tried to explain to this new life form that there was much, much, much more in the world than eight gigs, but the Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man only laughed and said “Oh! You’re so old! You don’t understand at all!” And then, the Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man jumped off the table and ran away.

Well, the sweet old man was heartbroken! For the next several weeks, he searched everywhere for his little Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man. He looked in Internet cafes, he looked in gamer shops, he even tried the library, just in case the Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man was trying to transfer files or data from other compatible computers. But, no matter where he went, the sweet old man always heard the same thing. “Hey, lame-o,” they said. “Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drives can’t walk and talk.”

Eventually, after a month of this, the sweet old man was forced to accept that he had imagined the whole thing. A broken man, convinced that no one would ever love him, the sweet old man bought rat poison, and undressed, and lay down in his tub so the body would be easy to find and clean. But, before he could eat the rat poison, the door flew open! It was the Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man! He’d come home!

The sweet old man jumped up and ran to his beloved Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man, who immediately pushed him away. Thankfully, the sweet old man figured it out and put some pants on, and then went back to embrace the Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man properly.

“Oh, Father,” said the Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man. “I’ve seen so much in my travels! I am full of photos, and movies, and songs of strange lands! I have learned so much, and most of all, I have learned that you were right all along. For I, the Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man, thought myself so smart, and yet… what is eight gigs before the face of all mankind’s history?”

The sweet old man nodded, and held his Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man close. And then, together, they walked into the house, where the sweet old man immediately formatted the Dane-Elec 8GB Capless USB Drive Man. Because, after all, who knows where he had been? He could have been full of malware, or viruses! Remember, kids, always put security first.

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